


Twisted Autumn

by GoblinCatKC



Series: Twisted Autumn [2]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: BDSM, Bondage, Breathplay, Edgeplay, Knifeplay, M/M, Turtlecest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-20
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 03:33:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 23,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5769682
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoblinCatKC/pseuds/GoblinCatKC
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Leonardo and Raphael take a trip to the farm to feel out what their relationship has turned into, to figure out what they've become.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_sunlight on storm clouds_  
_autumn rain of burning leaves_  
_leaves float on my lake_  
  
There was no argument. Raphael simply drove. Not because there was any meaning or implication attached to it, but because Leonardo always fell asleep in the car. Occasionally Raphael glanced at him in the passenger seat, leaning against the window as the autumn leaves went by. Leonardo breathed deep and rarely moved even when the road turned a little rough.  
  
Raphael didn't know what his brother had told their master to get this trip for them. Certainly not the truth. Before they left, Splinter had said something about hoping he would give his brother a chance to understand him better, so Leonardo had probably echoed one of his lectures about needing to work together as a team, just twisted around a bit for the different audience.  
  
Until recently, he never would have thought Leonardo could be so devious. Splinter Jr. would never lie to the master, would never twist the truth until it was a pale shadow of itself. Raphael smiled. Never would've thought he'd be looking forward to learning more about his insufferable big brother.  
  
As planned, they arrived at night with the full moon lighting their way. Dry leaves crunched under the tires as he drove up towards the house and stopped.  
  
"We're here," he said.  
  
Blinking once, Leonardo sighed and sat straight, looking around. "That was quick."  
  
"Goes faster when you're sleeping," Raphael said. "Open the doors for me, will ya? I'll get everything out of here."  
  
"Sure." Leonardo unbuckled and climbed out, pausing halfway. "I'll meet you inside."  
  
Raphael nodded and watched him walk around the van, then shook his head once. He kept expecting to hear someone else' s voice, Casey or Splinter or Mike, and the silence made this feel a little surreal. As he locked the van up and followed his brother inside, he kept looking over his shoulder as if one of his brothers would pop up at the last minute.  
  
He found Leonardo in the kitchen with a kettle on the stove, but before he could groan about not wanting to drink lawn clippings, he spotted the beer can on the counter. Raising an eyeridge, he picked it up and popped the tab. Ice cold.  
  
"Thought you hated me drinking," he said.  
  
"No," Leonardo said, carefully measuring his words. "I hate it when you get drunk."  
  
"Why?"  
  
The lack of hostility in his voice surprised both of them.  
  
"It makes you lose control," Leonardo answered. "You get clumsy. You can't fight. And you get mean."  
  
Raphael shrugged out of habit. "Don't you ever get sick of being sober all the time?"  
  
"I've been drugged before," Leonardo said, shaking his head. "I hate that feeling."  
  
"Well, it's not exactly the same," Raphael smiled. "You should try it sometime. I don't think you'd be a mean drunk."  
  
"I don't like to--" Leonardo broke off, then tried again. "I can't afford to lose control. Not like that."  
  
Raphael's smile turned into a grin as he drank. "Gotcha."  
  
The sly undertone of his brother's voice told Leonardo that Raphael wasn't buying it. He sighed and took the kettle off the stove just before it started whistling, filling the mug on the counter.  
  
"And I really hate the way it tastes," he added.  
  
That Raphael could believe.  
  
"So..." he started again, "what now?"  
  
Behind his green tea, Leonardo frowned. So many possible answers to such a deceptively simple question. He was a little surprised that Raphael hadn't immediately pushed him to the ground, but he suspected that his brother wanted more out of this trip, something that they couldn't get at home. And while he was no longer afraid to reassert himself while under Raphael's control, he found that he enjoyed letting someone else take control for awhile.  
  
But practical considerations came first.  
  
"You tired?" he asked. "You drove the whole way."  
  
"Kinda," Raphael admitted. His whole body felt tied in knots. "But you slept most of the time."  
  
"Not a very comfortable bed," Leonardo replied. "And I still need to make sure everything's secure."  
  
Raphael smirked. "Yeah, there might be killer bunnies and evil deer lurking around the shed."  
  
"Go take a shower," Leonardo said, refusing to be baited. "I'll be up to bed soon, and we can get an early start tomorrow."  
  
An early start of what, he didn't say, and Raphael let it hang between them unsaid.  
  
By the time he stepped out of the shower, he heard his brother moving around upstairs. Even a ninja couldn't completely thwart ancient dry floorboards, but it was the sound of furniture being moved that puzzled him. Drying off, he paused to listen for a few more seconds before dropping the towel on the floor and heading upstairs.  
  
When he reached the attic bedroom, he wondered what had been moved. Then he spotted Leonardo already in one of the twin beds with another twin pushed up against it. On the nightstand on his side lay his sais and mask, as well as his half-finished beer.  
  
"Geez," he said under his breath, "way to make me feel married."  
  
But the alternative was sleeping in two different beds, and he didn't like that thought. Popping his knuckles, he pulled the covers back and eased in behind his brother. Once he was comfortable, he threw his arm over Leonardo's side and tugged him close.  
  
His sibling suddenly tensed and his breath hitched. Raphael grinned. Sneaky little bastard wasn't asleep at all.  
  
"I'll let ya go in the morning," he whispered, letting his teeth graze his brother's skin. As expected his brother didn't answer, but as Raphael drifted off, he doubted that Leonardo would be falling asleep any time soon.


	2. Chapter 2

He woke up in an empty bed. Annoyed that he'd patted the other mattress a few times before realizing Leonardo had gone, he sat up and noticed that his brother had made the other bed before leaving.  
  
"Figures," he muttered. Even on this quasi vacation, his big brother couldn't help getting up too damn early.  
  
Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he yawned as he gathered his sais, mask and belt, gearing up in preparation for a fight. Everything they did revolved around fighting, giving up control and taking it away, and he didn't expect any less today. Since he didn't smell anything cooking, he figured Leonardo had skipped breakfast in favor of practice.  
  
Hoping his brother hadn't gone for a run in the woods, he walked outside and shivered on the porch for a moment. The sun hadn't even risen yet, and the pale light turned the sky a cold gray. Of course such an early hour meant that no one but the birds were awake, singing invisibly in the trees, but that didn't make him any more comfortable.  
  
Quietly stealing into the barn, he caught Leonardo in the middle of a open-hand kata. Even better, his brother hadn't noticed him. Sitting down in a corner, he watched his brother perform feints, counter feints and vicious kicks that would have ended a fight fast.  
  
Despite himself, he had to admit that his brother's technique was immaculate. Leonardo moved almost too fast to follow, whirled through tight turns without stumbling, and moved with an exactness that reminded Raphael of a scalpel's precision. No wonder his sibling preferred swords.  
  
Leonardo came to the last move, a low sweep that brought him back up again in a ready stance. Breathing hard, he took a moment to catch his breath before standing straight.  
  
"Not bad," Raphael said.  
  
Turning in surprise, Leonardo fell into position again before realizing his brother had spoken.  
  
"Ha, gotcha," Raphael smirked.  
  
Ruefully smiling, Leonardo relaxed and headed for his swords, which he'd leaned against the wall.  
  
"Wait." Easing into a more comfortable position, Raphael motioned for him to take a few steps back to where he'd been before. "Do it again."  
  
"What?"  
  
"The kata. Run through it again." He tilted his head back and let his smile widen in a way he knew bugged his brother. "Now."  
  
Leonardo hesitated. Not sure if he would or not, Raphael felt a shiver run through him when his brother slowly turned and faced the back wall, giving him a profile view. Head lowered, Leonardo breathed out, then eased into the kata, raising his arms in a block that moved into a low jab, slid back into a crouch, then moved through a backflip with a kick that would nearly take off a human's head.  
  
Raphael eased one knee up and rested his hand there, swallowing once. Lethal, calculating and unbelievably swift, yet obediently following Raphael's command. He had a brief image of his brother as a sai following every flip and twist of his fingers, the subtle turn of his wrist changing the course of each cut. The image faded as he tried to imagine a stabbing thrust and found himself watching his brother in another sweep.  
  
As the kata went on, Raphael narrowed his eyes in thought. Yes, subtlety matched his brother best. Not that Leonardo couldn't be strong, but watching him now made his speed and skill stand out so much more. All his practice showed, the long hours and painful repetition obvious in every move. Even with his swords, Leonardo rarely used strength moves like Raphael did, preferring debilitating cuts over thrusts that could potentially leave his sword stuck.  
  
Halfway through the kata, Raphael stood and pulled out his sais. Leonardo paused, wondering what he was doing and growing even more confused when his brother set his weapons down by his swords.  
  
"How long you been practicing?" Raphael asked, coming closer.  
  
"Almost half an hour." Leonardo forced himself not to take a step back, but his brother's eyes gleamed dangerously. "Why?"  
  
"Just curious. Looks like you're pretty winded now."  
  
Without warning Raphael lunged forward, his hands just barely missing his brother as Leonardo dodged to one side. Raphael rolled and turned as he came up, grinning at Leonardo's wary stance.  
  
"That's a dirty trick," Leonardo said.  
  
"You taught it to me," Raphael chuckled. "'Best to wear the enemy down before you attack'."  
  
"You were listening?" Leonardo asked. "Can you blame me for being surprised?"  
  
Raphael gave a self-deprecating snort. "Guess not. Think you can win?"  
  
No answer. They both knew that in a fight against each other, with both holding back lethal or debilitating blows, the outcome was already decided. But Leonardo didn't make any move to surrender, the unspoken meaning obvious. Raphael would win, but he would have to drag the victory out of his brother.  
  
Which suited Raphael just fine.  
  
"Winner calls the shots for a day," Raphael said, his smile growing as Leonardo glared. "I've already got so many things I wanna do to ya. A month is such a long time."  
  
"You're not going to win every day," Leonardo warned him.  
  
"True," Raphael agreed, starting to circle his brother. "What I mean is that for the first couple of weeks, any bruises or cuts, anything like that? They're gonna heal up just fine before we get home."  
  
No marks. They both knew that the risk of their family finding out was the only reason that they had restrained themselves so much. Without that self-imposed limitation--Leonardo swallowed once in anticipation, his eyes flicking away as he couldn't help imagining a few things of his own.  
  
His brother's distraction was the opening Raphael needed. He lunged again, his hand scraping against Leonardo's shell as he turned, bruising his knuckles. As he landed, he turned and found Leonardo several steps away.  
  
"You're hoping I'll wear myself down," Raphael said. Not a bad strategy, he thought. If he kept lunging like this, the fight might turn even. He couldn't let that happen. "Okay, new tactic."  
  
Leonardo's eyes widened as his brother stood straight and simply started walking towards him, closing the distance faster than he expected. He darted left, Raphael followed. He moved right, Raphael followed, slowly boxing him into a corner. An open fight was the last thing Leonardo wanted, but there was no way he could get to the barn door and open it before his brother caught him.  
  
Ducking low to the ground for leverage, Leonardo surprised his brother with a hard kick to the plastron that made Raphael grunt and fall back a few steps. When Raphael stood straight again, one hand rubbing the sore spot, Leonardo stayed down.  
  
"You seem to like that move," Raphael grumbled.  
  
"Whatever works," Leonardo answered.  
  
Expecting another kick, Raphael came forward again, hands ready to grab his brother's ankle. Instead he found himself landing on his shell as Leonardo swept his legs out from under him. Refusing to give up, he ignored the shock and turned on his side, pushing himself up enough to try his own sweep. Leonardo  was still slowed down by his earlier practice and while the sweep didn't entirely connect, it was enough to unbalance him and send him to the ground. Leonardo managed to land on his knees rather than ending up sprawled like Raphael, but before he could stand, Raphael tackled him from behind.  
  
They landed on their sides on the dusty floor. Leonardo struck his brother's wrist but Raphael didn't let go. After a moment of struggling, Raphael managed to throw his leg over his brother's waist and drag himself on top of him. His weight and his brother's past exertion made the rest easy. He grabbed Leonardo's hands and pulled them down far enough that he could pin them under his knees, then leaned forward breathing hard. Even tired, his brother managed to give him a fight.  
  
During the fall, the stray ends of Leonardo's mask had fallen over his face. As he breathed hard and gave one more futile struggle, Raphael smiled and pushed the ends off.  
  
"I win," he whispered.  
  
Leonardo closed his eyes for a moment, then nodded once, relaxing with a sigh.  
  
For a moment neither moved. Raphael took the moment to look over his prize, savoring his victory. Tomorrow's fight would not be sure, and no doubt Leonardo would fight with extra determination after what Raphael would do today. But today was his, and he planned on enjoying himself.  
  
"I'll be right back," he said, nuzzling his brother's exposed throat before nipping hard enough to make his brother wince. As he started to get up, he frowned and looked back at his sibling. "You won't run, right?"  
  
Leonardo glared at him from the corner of his eye. "Of course not."  
  
"Just making sure." Raphael eased off, letting his brother sit up with a groan, then stood and went outside, heading for the back shed.  
  
During their fight, the sun had started to break over the horizon, warming the air slightly. The shed doors creaked as he forced them open, sending spiders and bugs scattering into the corners. Carefully picking over half-rusted broken farm tools, he spotted what he wanted sitting on one of the shelves. When he came back, Leonardo still sat in the spot on the floor, one leg bent as he waited.

Leonardo raised his head, squinting in the light. His gaze was drawn to his brother's hand and his breath quickened as Raphael unwound the long spool of rope.


	3. Chapter 3

"Get up."  
  
Without a word, Leonardo stood and watched his brother use one of his swords to cut the rope in half before coming close. Raphael stepped right in front of him, making him back up a step while raising his arm as if to ward him off. There was nothing reassuring in his brother's eyes, and Raphael's sudden grip on his wrist was bruising as he tilted his head and crushed their mouths together.  
  
It was the first time they'd ever kissed, and Leonardo shut his eyes tight at the intensity of it. When Raphael withdrew, he would have stumbled if his brother didn't have such a tight grip on his arm.  
  
"I can feel your heartbeat from here," Raphael whispered. "I think you do like to lose control."  
  
Leonardo didn't reply. Not expecting an answer, Raphael stepped by him, tugging him by the wrist toward the old stalls in the back. Most of them had long lost their gates and all of them were empty, but the tall wooden beams were sturdy. After positioning his brother between two of them, he found the end of the rope and wound it around his brother's wrist.  
  
"R-Raphael..."  
  
"It's okay," Raphael said. "Don't worry."  
  
As soon as he said it, he knew how stupid that was. Leonardo worried enough for all of them. Sure, that anxiety was sometimes all that kept them alive, but the constant stress also kept his brother on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Asking him not to worry was like asking Raphael to stop feeling everything so keenly.  
  
"It won't hurt," he said, working a knot into the thick wrap of rope. He gave it a yank to make sure it wouldn't come loose and nodded in satisfaction when his brother's hand jerked like a marionette's. Instead of immediately tying the other end of the rope to the stall beam, he started tying Leonardo's other hand, giving him every chance to resist and relishing the fact that he wouldn't.  
  
He realized his brother wasn't as calm as he seemed when he felt Leonardo's hand tremble with the last knot.  
  
"Leo?"  
  
Leonardo looked away. "I just--it doesn't feel right."  
  
Silence. Instead of teasing him, Raphael understood how he felt. The rare handful of times when they'd been captured, their lives had hung by a precarious thread. As the eldest, Leonardo felt the weight of looking out for his siblings more than any of them did. Letting himself be bound went against everything he knew.  
  
"You're sure we're alone?" Leonardo asked suddenly. "We could've been followed--I should've stayed awake--"  
  
"We're safe." Raphael came close and put his hands around his brother's bound wrists, bringing his hands close between his. Giving comfort didn't come naturally to him, but he could do it if he had to. "You know that. You wouldn't of gone to sleep if you thought there was any danger."  
  
Leonardo didn't answer. Sleeping was a lot easier than letting himself be bound. He closed his eyes and felt Raphael checking the knots one more time before taking the end of the rope tied to his left hand. It began to tug at his hand and he resisted for a few seconds before letting his arm be drawn out.  
  
Behind him, Raphael felt his own heart beat a little harder as his brother allowed his last bit of control to be stolen. Rather than force his brother's hands over his head or behind his back--after all, there'd be plenty of time for that later--he simply forced them out at either side.  
  
Once he had the first one tied, he lightly trailed his fingers over the taut rope and down his brother's arm, then gathered the rope around Leonardo's other wrist and pulled it with him as he stepped toward the far beam. Pulling the rope tighter and tighter, he stopped when he heard his brother hiss in pain and tied it off.  
  
"Something simple to start the day off," he said, coming up behind him. "Like it?"  
  
"You didn't have to," Leonardo said. "I won't move if you tell me not to."  
  
Raphael smiled as he leaned against his brother, putting his arms around him as he rested his head on his shoulder. "I know. But I wanna look at ya."  
  
"What? Why?"  
  
"It's funny," Raphael said, ignoring his question. "We've lived together all our lives but I've never really looked at you. Not up close."  
  
Ducking under his arm, he stood up in front of his sibling and noticed that Leonardo was looking at an empty spot on the floor. On a whim, he reached up to his brother's mask and unfolded the top layer, bringing it down over his brother's eyes and blindfolding him. A tiny surprised noise escaped from the back of Leonardo's throat.  
  
Even though his brother couldn't see, Raphael was sure he could feel him moving by, slowly circling him as he stared. Although he usually won their fights through strength, his brother was by no means weak. Occasionally tensing and forcing himself not to fight, Leonardo might have been able to break the ropes if he really put his mind to it.  
  
Raphael lay one finger on a faint scar at the bottom of his brother's neck, tracing its slightly raised edge. "Where'd you get this?"  
  
"Shredder's elite," Leonardo said softly. "Spear thrust. Almost ducked in time."  
  
"Little higher and he would'a cut your throat," Raphael murmured. Such a small wound. He never would've guessed it almost killed his brother.  
  
Curious about other near misses, he reached back and grabbed the ends of his brother's mask, gently forcing his head back. Other scars stood out, including a jagged inch-long line just under his jaw. He leaned close and drew the tip of his tongue over it.  
  
"And this one?"  
  
"Kama. Alley fight."  
  
His brother was rapidly losing his ability to speak. Raphael wondered if he could shatter every last bit of control just by lightly touching old injuries and hurts. It might take a few minutes or a few hours. He smiled. Either way was fine with him.  
  
"This one?"  
  
Leonardo shivered as Raphael slid his palm up a rough patch on his side. "Got thrown into a curb."  
  
This close, Raphael could see the fine lace of scars that covered his brother's body. From a distance they blended into his skin, only the worst standing out. As he knelt, dragging his hand down Leonardo's side, he noticed faint lines etched into the plastron. He had several himself, but he'd never thought of his big brother having just as many. They all came from various fights, and considering the number of street brawls he got into, Raphael had simply thought he had more.  
  
As he sat down, the next scar was eye-level and in a spot he never would have thought to look. Just along the inside of the thigh right beneath the shell, so faint that he almost missed it. He traced it but it had no edge, nothing more than a light discoloration.  
  
"Who gave you this one?"  
  
"Y-you."  
  
"Really?" Raphael frowned as he tried to remember, but they fought too often to remember each one. "When? How?"  
  
"Long time ago. In practice. You--" Leonardo paused to catch his breath as Raphael touched it again. With his eyes covered, each touch grew more maddening. "You didn't notice."  
  
"Mm. What a shame." He looked up with a faint smile. "Drew blood and didn't even get to appreciate it."  
  
His brother didn't answer, probably knowing what was going to happen next. Raphael drew the tip of his tongue over the mark, holding his brother's hips so he couldn't squirm too much, but it was Leonardo's low groan as he bit hard that brought him real satisfaction.  
  
"Don't worry," he said, licking away a tiny drop of blood. "I'll appreciate it from now on."  
  
He looked up in time to see his brother jerk reflexively against the rope, making it creak from the pressure. Leonardo fought the ties for a few seconds but nothing gave. If anything, they only tightened against his skin. After a moment he breathed deep and gave up again.  
  
Raphael swallowed once. Watching his brother admit defeat--even better, defeat to Raphael--gave him a rush that only seemed to grow each time.  
  
"By the time I'm finished," he said softly, "I'll have made you scream."  
  
To his delight, he saw the familiar determination on his brother's face. As usual, Leonardo didn't intent to go down easily. He wondered how long his brother could resist when he was already on the verge of losing. A few short minutes or a few long hours?  
  
Either way was fine with him.


	4. Chapter 4

Half an hour later his brother still hadn't given up, but the battle was almost over and they both knew it. Leonardo couldn't speak and Raphael wondered if he'd stop breathing if he didn't give in soon. Drops of blood welled up within the bite marks Raphael left all over his brother's body, and he felt a deep satisfaction as he lapped a streak of blood behind his brother's knee, relishing the resultant shudder.  
  
Slowly standing, dragging his hands up Leonardo's sides as he did, he licked at the deep bite in his shoulder before pausing with his teeth over his brother's throat. He smiled as he felt his brother tense in expectation and simply waited, drawing out the suspense of when the pain would come.  
  
"You think they'll notice all these bites?" Raphael whispered. "How'll you explain 'em if they don't heal in time?"  
  
Even if Leonardo had the presence of mind to think up a comeback, he couldn't deliver it. Gritting his teeth and keeping his mouth shut was his last defense, and even that couldn't completely muffle the constant noises and half-drowned groans coming from deep within himself. With his eyes covered his sense of touch intensified, and Raphael's deliberate torture threatened to overwhelm him.  
  
Steeling himself for the next bite, he gasped when his brother very gently nuzzled his skin. He didn't know why but the soft touch pierced him more than pain would. His heart pounded so hard that it echoed around him and he fought the rope around his wrists, struggling in earnest to get free. The ropes tightened and creaked. If he could just focus--  
  
Raphael's arm snaked around him and drew him close, holding him tight against his body. His other hand slid down Leonardo's arm, grabbing his wrist hard enough to bruise. Leonardo couldn't fight and the teeth suddenly stabbing into his throat scattered his focus and his brother held him still like a snake wrapped around a mouse--he couldn't stop himself--he cried out, the broken remnants of his voice dying in the last syllables of Raphael's name.  
  
Spent and exhausted, Leonardo shivered and leaned against his brother's shoulder, taking deep breaths as Raphael held him. After a few moments of savoring his victory, Raphael picked out the knots around Leonardo's right wrist. It was slow work one-handed, and when he had one wrist free, Raphael carefully managed his brother in his arms as he reached around for the other hand. Leonardo's struggling had made the ropes tighten so much that Raphael was afraid he'd have to cut them off. He was no slouch with a sword, but he didn't trust himself to cut so close to the skin with his brother's razor sharp katana.  
  
Fortunately he didn't have to. The last knot finally gave and he helped his brother to the ground, leaning against the wall and holding Leonardo in his lap. His brother panted as if he'd been through a long fight, but he had enough strength to put his hand on Raphael's shoulder.  
  
Raphael smiled and traced his finger along the mask over his brother's eyes. It had slipped a little when he yanked too hard on the ends, but it still kept his brother blind. Even better, Leonardo didn't try to take it off.  
  
"You still alive?" Raphael asked.  
  
Leonardo didn't answer for a moment. Groaning once, he adjusted himself in his brother's arms and curled up slightly.  
  
"Never thought you could be patient," Leonardo murmured.  
  
Raphael's smile broadened. "Didn't think you'd want me to rush."  
  
"Could've sped it up a little..."  
  
Reaching up along Leonardo's raised arm, Raphael gently grabbed his brother's hand and held it out where he could see it. Several marks lined Leonardo's wrist, some of them deep bruises and others friction burns, all left from the tight rope.  
  
"You really tried to get free a couple times," he mused. "I'm kinda surprised you didn't."  
  
"Couldn't focus."  
  
Nothing less than a revelation, that confession. Leonardo never would have admitted a loss of self-control to their master. And until the not-so-long-ago night he lost a fight to Raphael and gave in to everything he did, Leonardo wouldn't have admitted it to himself. That he let Raphael do these things to him, that he encouraged him and enjoyed them, still surprised them both. Not that either would admit it yet.  
  
"Got ya to scream," Raphael teased.  
  
"...that wasn't a scream."  
  
"You screamed my name," Raphael said. "When I bit you right...here."  
  
His hand brushed the mottled bruising on Leonardo's throat and his brother hissed in pain. Even more amusing, however, his brother curled closer to him for comfort. He frowned and wondered if more pain would bring Leonardo snuggling closer and closer, and just where did Leonardo's absolute threshold lay? Considering the fights and injuries he knew his brother had endured with little to no complaint, those thoughts could lead them down a very dark road indeed.  
  
He wondered if Leonardo would walk it willingly.  
  
"If I told you to crawl for the rest of the day," he whispered, "would you?"  
  
Silence, but he knew better than to assume that meant his brother would acquiesce. Several seconds passed, then a minute, then another. Leonardo seemed as if he hadn't heard, but he could probably hear mice scurrying around outside, especially with his eyes covered.  
  
"Would you really tell me to?" Leonardo asked softly.  
  
Raphael tilted his head as he thought. "Not today," he said firmly. "But in a couple weeks...I don't know."  
  
Neither of them spoke. Leonardo relaxed a little more in his arms, and Raphael wondered if he'd gotten enough sleep. Probably not. The smallest thing could set him on edge, like the tugging of his mask, and this whole trip centered around those small things.  
  
"How far will you let me go?" he asked.  
  
Leonardo half-shrugged, but the tone of his voice sounded like he gave the question real thought. "Haven't thought of that. But..."  
  
Raphael glanced down even though he couldn't see his brother's eyes. "But?"  
  
"We haven't hit my limit." He sighed as Raphael touched one of the bruises on his throat. "Not even close."  
  
Blood, bondage and screaming, and that wasn't even close? Raphael didn't mention that he didn't feel reassured by that.


	5. Chapter 5

A hundred different ideas of torments designed for his brother whirled around in Raphael's head, each more delicious than the next, all of them demanding his attention. For once in his life, though, he found more pleasure in anticipation. Simply imagining each one and knowing he would soon get to inflict all of them on his elder brother made him smile at the ceiling.  
  
Something rattled in the kitchen, and the sound made his smile broaden. Although he knew Leonardo thought he came up with it just to annoy him, really, the "slave" getting the cooking duties each day simply made sense. They both knew Raphael would probably be cooking tomorrow, but for now, Raphael took too much pleasure knowing that his brother hated cooking. Leonardo usually went to great pains to avoid his turn in the kitchen, willingly trading chores that everyone else hated like polishing and sharpening their weapons, taking extra patrols around the lair to check for intruders, the endless changing of Splinter's damn candles...  
  
Raphael used to think that his brother changed the candles just to suck up to their sensei, but judging from the glare he'd gotten when he ordered Leonardo to prepare dinner, his big brother probably thought candles were preferable to pots and pans. Maybe he hated doing some of those chores and just kept his complaining to himself? Weird.  
  
A thought struck him and he frowned, glancing at the closed kitchen door. He couldn't remember the last time Leonardo actually did something in the kitchen. Maybe Leo couldn't cook. Maybe he was in there charring their food supplies to a crisp. Maybe--  
  
"Hey!" he shouted from the couch. "Everything all right in there?"  
  
No reply. That never boded well when someone asked Raphael if something was all right.  
  
"Leo, are you burning dinner?"  
  
Silence.  
  
"...no."  
  
That didn't exactly inspire confidence.

"Just so you know," Raphael called again, "I'm not exactly in the mood to go hungry to bed tonight."  
  
A moment passed. All sound ceased from the kitchen.  
  
"I won't mind if you quit whining and come do it yourself."  
  
Raphael blinked. His brother didn't usually sound so restrained, his voice clipped as if he was holding his temper in check. Knowing Leonardo's rare moods, the water was probably boiling without any help from the stove.  
  
"No no, that's okay. Whenever you're done." Raphael leaned back and breathed a sigh of relief when he didn't hear a response.  
  
Definitely losing tomorrow, he thought. There was no way his brother would let him win again so soon, not after this. Might even stop holding back so much during the fight. He made a mental note to make sure they fought without their weapons again.  
  
With only a few channels to choose from, Raphael finally settled on a late night monster movie and tossed the remote aside. The tv provided the only light aside from the upstairs bathroom and the scant glow from under the kitchen door. The moonlight didn't penetrate the thick curtains covering the windows so the living room was comfortably dark. Used to living in a cramped lair with Donatello's noisy machines, Sensei's lectures, Leonardo's training and Michelangelo just being Michelangelo, he found the relative peace a welcome relief.  
  
Soon after, his brother came out of the kitchen with a tray that he set down on the coffee table in front of Raphael. To his surprise, although dinner was simple steamed vegetables and chicken, it wasn't burned and it wasn't underdone, either. He glanced at his brother as Leonardo came around and sat beside him. Instead of the same dish, Leonardo had an even simpler bowl of rice and fish.  
  
Raphael's mouth quirked but he didn't say anything. He didn't know everything about his sibling but he knew enough. Fish and rice were Leo's comfort food. It struck the rest of the family as odd, even Splinter sometimes, but no one teased him about it. It meant more ice cream, chocolate, beer and beef jerky for everyone else.  
  
When he was finished, Raphael just pushed his plate away. He hadn't ordered his brother to do the dishes, but kitchen duty obviously included that and he liked foisting off extra work on his bossy sibling. Although he heard a low, almost imperceptible groan, Raphael grinned as his brother dutifully cleared the plates again, disappearing back into the hated kitchen.  
  
Which was why Raphael kept a close eye on both the clock--ten thirty-five, an hour and twenty five minutes before his day was up--and the kitchen door, just in case his brother tried to sneak away and disappear. He doubted he would, but Leo sometimes turned unpredictable when he got pissed.  
  
To his relief, he didn't have to hunt his brother down. Leonardo came back soon enough, turning off the kitchen lights as he returned to the couch, where he looked at the television, the windows, the floor, anywhere except Raphael.  
  
For himself, Raphael didn't bother to hide his own look, his gaze sweeping over his brother's body. Leonardo had treated the burns on his wrists so they didn't look too painful anymore. The bites had long stopped bleeding, but since they were too small to consider bandaging, the marks and bruising stood out on his sibling's skin. He reached over and put his fingertips just under his brother's jaw, tilting his head back so he could better see one of the bites on his throat.  
  
"C'mere," he said, grabbing the end of Leonardo's mask and pulling him closer, ultimately forcing him on his side with his head pillowed on Raphael's lap. He wrapped the mask ends around his hand a few times and leaned back, less interested in the movie and more interested in how his brother had to squirm and adjust himself, never really getting comfortable until he resigned himself to his position and relaxed. Leonardo stiffened once when Raphael stroked his throat, the bites on his arm, his bruised wrists, but a sharp tug on his mask reminded him to lie still.  
  
Raphael had a whole month to do just about anything he wanted to his brother, more or less. Plenty of time to have fun. No need to rush. Besides, it was fun enough just taking the time on this first day to establish the ground rules and physically remind Leonardo that on days that he lost, he belonged to his brother.  
  
Raphael breathed out. Definitely no swords or sais tomorrow.


	6. Chapter 6

Once again Raphael woke up to an empty but well-made bed. For a moment he simply stared at the other twin and sighed. He never would have thought he'd want to wake up next to someone, but Leonardo rarely slept in and Raphael could only keep him tied up until midnight. He briefly considered breaking the rules, maybe just once, but quickly decided against it. Leonardo would never trust him again if he broke a rule right now.  
  
Maybe around the end of the month.  
  
He stretched and geared up, tucking his sais into his belt while at the same time hoping he wouldn't have to use them. As much as he loved the frustrated look on his brother's face when he caught a sword in his prongs and flipped it aside, fighting bare-handed made the tension feel so much more tactile.  
  
In a way, their fights were always intimate. For the first few minutes, his hands never fully reached his brother, always grazing his skin as Leonardo moved less than an inch beyond his reach. Then as they both tried to take advantage of an opening or a slip in their guard, his brother might connect against his side, might touch him for an instant in a sweep. If the fight hadn't ended by then, Leonardo would wear down and Raphael would have a much better chance of finally grabbing his brother's wrist as he got too close, his ankle as he drew back too slow.  
  
Getting a firm hold of his brother always startled Raphael, and sometimes he didn't react in time to take advantage of the opportunity, losing his grip as Leonardo twisted to land another hit and shock him loose. But when the fight intensified and the world turned dark, lit only by the tension between them, when he focused so much that nothing else existed except the adrenaline in his body and his brother in front of him, he didn't miss his chance to twist Leonardo the way he saw fit, sending him backwards on the mat or turning him face first into a wall. And now with this added layer to their relationship, when he knew he'd lost, Leonardo couldn't help but relax in whatever position Raphael had put him in.  
  
Raphael swallowed once and wondered if he slammed his brother into a wall now, would he close his eyes and hold still when Raphael pushed a little further?  
  
Distracted by these thoughts, he slowly made his way downstairs and across the yard, quietly entering the barn. He didn't see his brother but he was sure Leonardo was here. Maybe deeper inside. It was hard to see because the shutters on the few windows had been closed--  
  
The door behind him closed with a soft thump. He turned, looking for his brother as his eyes adjusted to the dark. Straight white lines marked the edges of the doors, giving him a dim view of dust particles floating through the air. Of course his brother wouldn't make an amateurish mistake like standing in front of the light, but enough of the morning's glare crept in between the old boards that made up the barn's wall and ceiling that Raphael spotted his faint outline in the shadows made darker by the light. Leaning against the door, Leonardo kept his head slightly lowered although his gaze focused on Raphael.  
  
At least he wasn't wearing his swords. But standing there even in a relaxed stance, arms folded, his breathing silent and steady, all the rest of him was sharp. Of course he was. The barn was a patchwork of darkness stitched together by light. Leonardo was most at home here, like a sword in its sheathe.  
  
Raphael smiled at his mistake. He'd walked right into his brother's trap. Leonardo had already won.  
  
Fine. Raphael would still make sure his brother knew he'd been in a fight. Moving slowly so Leonardo didn't think he was attacking yet, he withdrew his sais and tossed them aside. His brother stood straight, studying him for weaknesses while revealing none of his own.  
  
Raphael grimaced. He'd practiced against his brother before, even come to blows in a heated argument, but Leonardo looked at him like an enemy to take down and the effect was unnerving. Was a little scream and pain worth turning so serious during a fight? He hadn't thought Leo hated cooking that much.  
  
"Chicken parmesan," he said softly.  
  
Confused, Leonardo narrowed his eyes. "What?"  
  
"Next time I win," Raphael said with a small smile, tilting his head back. "That's what I'll want for dinner--"  
  
Before Raphael could finish, Leonardo lunged. Raphael went sprawling backwards on the floor but used the momentum to throw Leonardo off. As he rolled to his feet, Raphael heard his brother move across the rough floor. And then nothing.  
  
He stood slowly, listening for the slightest sound--distant whispers of birdsong outside, his own breathing, a breeze blowing over the broken glass of a far window--but nothing from his brother. Hands ready, straining to see through the slivers of light, he backed towards the door, intent on throwing it open and flooding the barn with sunlight.  
  
The air around him whirled and he felt rather than heard his brother moving towards him, and he darted away in time to avoid a low kick. He didn't avoid it when Leonardo fell to all fours and reversed his kick, nailing the back of his legs. Raphael fell forward and caught himself before his face hit the floor, then threw himself to one side, hearing his brother land where he'd been a moment before.  
  
Although he usually tried to overpower his brother, Raphael risked trying the same kind of sweep that his brother favored and smiled when he felt it connect. Instead of a grunt or the sound of a shell landing beside him, he heard his sibling roll with the hit and disappear again. With a frustrated curse, Raphael stood.  
  
"You can't hide forever," he snapped. "It'd take hours to wear me out like this, anyway."  
  
"Maybe I'm not trying to wear you out."  
  
Raphael turned toward his brother's voice and spotted him against the far wall near one of the windows. Now that his eyes were fully adjusted, the filtered sunlight was all he needed to make out shapes in the dark. His brother's eyes even gleamed.  
  
"No? Then I think I'm gonna win this fight, too. I can see ya just fine."  
  
"Good."  
  
Leonardo reached back and unlatched the shutter. Bright sunlight flashed into Raphael's face. Crying out as he was blinded, Raphael turned and closed his eyes. A second later his brother hit him from the side, sending them both crashing to the floor. Landing on his stomach, Raphael twisted in Leonardo's grip even as he felt his brother straddling his shell, his breath teasing the back of his neck. If he could just get his hands on his brother's shoulder, he could probably yank him off--  
  
Something cold and flat pressed against his shoulder. Raphael stilled and held his breath as the short knife slowly trailed across his skin, the edge creeping towards his throat.  
  
"Leo?" He only mouthed his brother's name at first, then forced himself to take a breath so he could speak. "Leo?"  
  
"Shh. Don't move. Don't even breathe." Leonardo leaned close, watching the light glitter along the knife's edge. "It's right over your throat."  
  
Not that he needed to tell Raphael. The metal felt like ice pressing against his jugular and Raphael remembered his brother's whisper the first time he'd responded to being manhandled. Raphael swore he'd never hurt his brother, but Leonardo had explicitly made no such promise. Only now did Raphael understand how dangerous that could be.  
  
 _Should have found out Leo's kinks before we started this,_ he thought.  
  
As soft as a whisper, Leonardo nuzzled his throat, his warm breath a sharp contrast to the knife. Raphael shivered and his skin slid minutely along the edge. He only felt the cut when his brother licked up the tiny drop of blood that rose up.  
  
Worse and worse. This was no mindfuck, that knife was razor sharp.  
  
"I win," Leonardo whispered. "Listen closely. Here are the rules. You get a ten second headstart. I catch you, and you'll be hiding some new scars when we get home. Understand?"  
  
Raphael hesitated. Was this how uncertain Leonardo had felt tied up?  
  
"Got it."  
  
Smiling, Leonardo eased off of his brother's back and sat down on the floor, one hand resting on his bent knee. Raphael scrambled to his feet and backed away, staring at his brother as he caught his breath. The knife shone in his eyes.  
  
"You never said nothing about a knife fetish," Raphael said. "How long've you--?"  
  
"Nine seconds," Leonardo said, his smile growing in anticipation. "Eight."  
  
Raphael turned and ran out of the barn, plunging into the forest as fast as he could.


	7. Chapter 7

Dodging trees and leaping over fallen trunks, Raphael tore through the forest as fast as he could, crashing through thick bushes that whipped his arms and legs as he ran by. He kept his hands raised to shield his face from low branches and barely caught himself before he fell on his face, tripped by a long tree root.  
  
No time to catch his breath. He pushed himself back up and changed direction, putting as much distance between himself and his crazy brother as possible. Worse, he knew Leonardo was a skilled tracker. Leonardo could follow ninjas across New York on a stormy day. What he wouldn't give for rain...  
  
Several minutes later he came to a stop, resting against a tall oak and panting for breath. He groaned and looked up, but between the orange and red leaves lay nothing but blue sky. There would be no rain to help wash away his trail. Leonardo would have a clear shot right for him.  
  
Stupid stupid stupid! Raphael would've slammed his head against the tree but figured he'd be in pain soon enough. He'd assumed his pliant--hell, his submissive sibling could have no kinks. Nothing besides having control wrested from him, anyway. He'd never suspected anything like a knife fetish, which raised some very disturbing questions about Leonardo's obscene amount of practice.  
  
He couldn't help a tired grin. Maybe obscene was the right word. And what about the duels and swordfights with their endless enemies?  
  
A twig snapped behind him.  
  
He whirled. Nothing, but he knew better than to assume that was a good thing. Back on his guard, he strained to hear the smallest sound, the rustle of leaves without wind or a hissed breath. The forest was silent. No birds singing, even the wind seemed to have died away. He turned and turned, trying to find a hint of blue or a knife's glint between the tall underbrush.  
  
 _This is how mice feel,_ he thought, _when there's no where else to go and the cat's right behind--_  
  
"Found you."  
  
The whisper in his ear made him yell and turn too fast. His feet slipped on damp leaves as Leonardo pushed him from one side and he toppled backwards, landing hard on his shell. A second later he grunted as Leonardo dropped on top of him, his knees pinning Raphael's arms to his sides. For a moment Raphael struggled to buck him off, writhing beneath his sibling as his fingers scrabbled in the dirt trying to find some kind of purchase. He only gave up when Leonardo leaned over him, resting his arms on his chest and staring into Raphael's eyes.  
  
"Honestly, Raph," Leonardo said softly. "Crashing through every bush and bramble in your way? You should've just painted big arrows for me to follow."  
  
"Not my fault," Raphael grumbled, finally lying still. Tired and frustrated, there was no way he could throw Leo off right now. "Finding out my brother gets off on cutting people kinda freaked me out."  
  
Raphael's teeth clicked shut as he watched Leonardo reach into his belt and draw the knife. Nowhere near as intimidating as his brother's swords, the smaller knife nevertheless gave him chills. Having it so close to his face made it feel even more threatening. The way the flat of the blade pressed under his jaw and gently tilted his head up felt more intimate than anything he'd ever done to Leonardo.  
  
"'Freaked out'? A little weird coming from the guy who covered me in bites."  
  
Not daring to breathe, Raphael waited for the knife to glide down his throat and along his shell before he felt safe enough to talk. "What, you wanted to even the score a bit?"  
  
With a small shake of his head, Leonardo leaned closer and held the tip of the knife to Raphael's skin, carefully choosing a small spot he could see from this angle but wouldn't be too visible otherwise. Selecting a spot close to Raphael's shell, he adjusted himself for a better position and dug his knees into his brother's arms when he struggled again.  
  
"Don't move," he warned. "If I mess up, I'll start over somewhere else."  
  
"'Mess up'?" Raphael narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean?"  
  
"Tell you what," Leonardo said, ignoring Raphael's question. "I'll give you a choice. Romanji or katakana?"  
  
Raphael blinked. Romanji? What the hell was--oh wait, he recalled Splinter sometimes called Western writing that. So Leo wanted to write on him. But why katakana, usually reserved for foreign words, when he could use hiragana or kanji? He groaned in realization.  
  
"You're gonna carve your name inta me?" He would have rolled his eyes if he wasn't so concerned about the coming pain. "That's so damn cliché."  
  
Leonardo narrowed his eyes. "I've always wanted to carve one of my 'lectures' into you. Maybe the one about not going out alone all night."  
  
"Your name's fine," Raphael said quickly.  
  
"So choose. Romanji or katakana." Leonardo tapped the knife against his brother's shell as he thought. "Romanji would look nice, but cutting an exact curve can be tricky--"  
  
"Katakana," Raphael said, looking away towards the trees, the sky, anything but his brother. "Less letters, too. Y'know, I've always liked your nickname best."  
  
When he didn't hear an answer, he glanced back at Leonardo. His brother had the same focused look he got whenever he trained, intent on his goal. Raphael swallowed once and closed his eyes, and he had the strange hope that his brother didn't make the first characters too big that he'd have to scrunch the last one in. The knife tip sank into his skin. It couldn't have gone very deep but Raphael hissed and tried not to shy away for fear he would make it worse.

Leonardo held still for a moment, waiting for Raphael to resign himself. In a way he knew that Raphael's surrender would be harder than his own. At least Raphael gave him time to adjust and accept defeat. Leonardo demanded nothing less than complete and immediate capitulation. Of course Raphael didn't have to suffer half an hour of unrelieved pain before he surrendered, either.  
  
Within a few seconds, Raphael turned his head aside a few inches, giving Leonardo easier access. The knife began moving again, making one straight line close to his brother's neck. He brought up the knife just long enough to sink it in again. For the curved end of the 'ri' character, he brought the knife up as he finished, giving it a calligraphic finish. Raphael couldn't stop a small noise in the back of his throat.  
  
"One down," Leonardo said. "I'll give you a minute before I do the next one."  
  
That thought didn't help. His shoulder burned and throbbed and the skin around the cuts had already turned extremely sensitive. Maybe Leo might've been able to try to focus on something other than pain, but Raphael couldn't help but experience bodily sensations fully. Sensuality came naturally to him. Blocking out pain was just as impossible as blocking out pleasure.  
  
Raphael glanced out of the corner of his eye at him. Maybe he could at least distract himself. Leonardo perching on top of him like a wildcat after pouncing was certainly distracting. Leonardo looked so satisfied that playing with his prey seemed natural.  
  
"How long've you been like this?" Raphael whispered.  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Getting off on knives and swords and cutting things. Do you..." His voice trailed off. It was almost dishonorable to even suggest it, but the curiosity was too much. "When you kill ninjas, do you like it?"  
  
To his relief, Leonardo shook his head once.  
  
"Death doesn't excite me," Leonardo said. He crossed his arms on top of Raphael's chest, lounging comfortably as if he didn't hold a knife an inch from his throat. "And in a fight, I'm too busy to notice much about how the blood looks. I only get that during practice."  
  
"Get what?"  
  
Leonardo hesitated as he thought about how to answer. "I'm not sure. I don't really 'get off' on it. It's just fascinating the way blood falls on a polished sword."  
  
Knowing it was a poor substitute but needing another way to explain, Leonardo held the knife up to give Raphael a better look. He smiled as his brother flinched.  
  
"Relax, I wouldn't cut your face."  
  
"I'm not so sure right now," Raphael said but he didn't argue further.  
  
Instead he stared at the knife. Better polished than regular steel, it didn't reflect him like a mirror but he did see himself as a blur. And smeared at the tip, his blood gathered in a precarious drop.  
  
"My swords are a little better for this," Leonardo admitted. "But it's the same thing. You can see yourself, even if the image is indistinct. And then the blood is so clear..."  
  
He tipped the knife very slightly blade up, letting the drop of blood run along the edge. The red streak stood out against the blurry image like a hyper-defined banner.  
  
"I don't know why it fascinates me," Leonardo murmured. "It just does. The feel of cold metal, the way it feels like ice when it cuts and then fire as it bleeds."  
  
His hand brushed the small cuts he'd made. "And the way you can't really hide the pain."  
  
The whimper that escaped Raphael surprised both of them. Leonardo's eyes widened slightly and his breath hitched, but Raphael stared up in near-shock. He'd taken some harsh beatings in his life. How did a handful of small cuts rob him of his control so quickly?  
  
Losing himself again in his focus, Leonardo leaned close again. Raphael tensed up in anticipation, then forced himself to relax before the blade sank back into his skin. The 'o' character took three strokes, not including the tiny flourish.  
  
This time Raphael couldn't help writhing beneath his brother. He didn't try to throw him off, but he wasn't used to enduring such methodic torture. His arms were pinned too tight to move and he couldn't turn his head, so he settled for digging his heels into the dirt and kicking up leaves. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew this was no different from what he'd done to Leonardo, immobilizing him and drawing every drop of blood with painful deliberation.  
  
He had no idea how his brother had held out for so long. With the last cut, he cried out between shaky breaths. The soft lapping of blood as Leonardo licked away each drop masked the pain with a little pleasure. Somehow that made it worse.  
  
"Halfway through," Leonardo whispered, nuzzling his throat. "But it looks like you're done for now."  
  
Not answering, Raphael stayed silent and just watched his brother climb off and sit down against a tree. But the knife did not go back in the sheathe and Raphael knew better than to hope this was over. He rolled onto his front and pushed himself to his knees, head lowered in exhaustion as he caught his breath. The cuts had taken more out of him than running. After a few moments when he could breathe somewhat normally again, the silence from his brother made him look up.  
  
"Now what?" he asked.  
  
Leonardo half-smiled. "You're tired. Maybe sixty this time?"  
  
Raphael frowned. "Sixty?"  
  
Leonardo's smile grew a little wider as he ran his finger along the edge of the knife. "Fifty-nine...fifty-eight..."

Raphael's jaw dropped. With a curse, he ran back headlong into the forest.


	8. Chapter 8

Lost and knowing he was probably going in circles, Raphael dragged his feet through the leaves, one hand clamped over the carvings in his shoulder. They'd stopped bleeding ages ago but throbbed in time with his heartbeat. He climbed over a toppled tree trunk, closing his eyes as he stumbled forward a few more steps. He'd been caught and released twice. How long had he been running? The sinking sun might have told him, but he was too tired to look.  
  
Why was he running anyway? Leonardo had carved the second half of his name already. What else would he cut? If Raphael lost their fights often enough, would he go home covered in raised scars? His foot caught on a raised tree root and he fell to his knees with a groan. That was it. He couldn't go any further. His arms refused to move, his legs refused to stand. Was he still alone? He looked around and saw nothing but trees and the soft afternoon glow.  
  
"I know yer out there!" he yelled at the empty woods, dragging in every mouthful of air. "I know yer watching!"  
  
Nothing. His voice died on the wind and he coughed, bending forward slightly as he caught his breath. Now that he'd stopped, his entire body burned. He knew he must have run for hours, for miles. At least he knew Leonardo must have run as long as well. Even if his brother had moved a little slower, Leo had to be as tired as he was.  
  
"Well? What's a matter?" He sat down completely, too tired to kneel anymore. His hand slipped from his shoulder and he let his head fall slightly. "Not so much fun when the mouse refuses to play anymore?"  
  
Even a ninja couldn't walk silently over dry leaves. Raphael heard Leonardo come up behind him but he couldn't move and didn't bother to try. Tensing in anticipation, he winced when he felt the hand touch his shoulder, surprised it wasn't a knife instead. Leonardo's hand gently slid along his neck, stroking his skin and lightly running his fingers over his name in Raphael's skin.  
  
"Even a tired mouse can be fun," he said.  
  
Before Raphael could reply, Leonardo curled his fingers around his throat and slowly tightened, cutting off his air. Raphael put his hand over Leonardo's and tried to fight, but his fingers slid ineffectually off.  
  
"You just can't help fighting back," Leonardo said softly, kneeling behind him, never loosening his grip. He leaned close and whispered in his ear. "I'm not finished with you yet."  
  
The back of Raphael's head started to tingle for lack of oxygen. Although he trusted his brother, he still felt a rush of panic as Leonardo drew him backwards, setting him on the leaves. Only when Raphael lay on his shell, hands weakly pushing at the arm pressing on his throat and holding him down, did Leonardo ease up enough to let him breathe again. Raphael's chest heaved as he panted. Leonardo idly ran his thumb over his brother's throat, enjoying the feel of the muscles working under his hand.  
  
"Power freak..." Raphael mumbled, still pushing against his brother's arm.  
  
Watching him in fascination, Leonardo smiled with a tilt of his head. "You started it."  
  
Weak as he was, Raphael found the strength to glare back. "Never carved ya up."  
  
"No," Leonardo agreed. Not letting go of Raphael's throat, he leaned over him and stared into his eyes. "You put me on my knees. You've kept me on a leash and used me until I couldn't move."  
  
Despite his predicament, Raphael half-grinned. "Yeah...you look good takin' orders."  
  
Leonardo narrowed his eyes. "And you look good too weak to move. How's it feel to be the one in pain?"  
  
The accusation stung all the more because Raphael knew he'd done worse to Leonardo the day before. "You never said no," he snapped in his defense. To his surprise, his reply made his brother relax again.  
  
"Neither have you." Leonardo sat up again, taking his hand off Raphael's throat so he could see him better. "Wanna stop? You scared? "  
  
The teasing note in Leonardo's voice only made Raphael snarl and want to fight, but he had to settle for turning his head aside and looking at the trees. Long shadows and the gold glow in the sky made the forest look like it stretched forever.  
  
"Never 'fraid of you," he said. "An' I can't fight no more, so just cut me up and geddoffa me."  
  
Leonardo's answering sigh sounded offended. "Raphael...there's more I want to do to you than just 'cut you up'. Don't you have any imagination?"  
  
Doing his best to ignore him, Raphael frowned when he felt Leonardo sit up and scoot back several inches, sitting on his legs while pinning Raphael's wrists. He forced his head up for a better view, but he only had a glimpse of his brother bending over him again. Raphael blinked. Leonardo had never done this without being forced before, would he really--?  
  
His hips bucked purely on reflex as Leonardo's tongue slipped along his inner thigh, moving right to the joint and that tiny bit he could reach under the plastron. Raphael gasped and tried to yank his arms free, but Leonardo's hands didn't budge. As the warm wet sensation played along his skin, he twisted under his brother, trying to tilt himself towards his brother's mouth as he slowly grew erect. His heels dug into the earth and his fingers crumbled leaves to pieces. No matter how he moved, though, Leonardo refused to touch anything that could give him any relief, preferring to tease mere inches away. Raphael's cock managed to brush Leonardo's cheek once or twice, but the brief touch only made him more painfully hard.  
  
Gritting his teeth, Raphael refused to let himself whimper. He'd drawn those little noises out of his brother during their clandestine trysts back home and he refused to give him the satisfaction. His head slammed back into the ground and his entire body tensed up like steel. He labored to draw in every breath.  
  
"That's it, fight," Leonardo said softly, pausing to watch Raphael. "Knew you still had some left in you."  
  
Leonardo's breath across sensitive skin only made Raphael increasingly frantic. As hard as he tried, he couldn't stay silent. He settled for growling. The more Leonardo teased, the louder his growls until his brother suddenly swallowed him. The world exploded in a blaze of light and for a moment Raphael thought he'd passed out.  
  
Mouth slack, eyes unfocused, Raphael slowly became aware that he was still on the ground. The sun hadn't moved at all but he felt like days had passed. A cool breeze that he hadn't noticed before blew over him, rustling the leaves around his face. Only after a few seconds when he tried to move did he notice that his brother was still on top of him.  
  
"Feel better?" Leonardo asked with that damn smug smile Raphael always wanted to hit.  
  
Of course his big brother looked calm and collected. That was his place in the family and it bugged Raphael that Leonardo wasn't out of breath, wasn't exhausted like he was. Stupid Leo always acting like he was so much better. And now that he'd let Raphael control him for awhile, of course Leo would try to wrest some of that control back.  
  
Like hell.  
  
"You're not gonna win tomorrow," Raphael promised. "I don't care what it takes. Tomorrow you're getting all this back ten times over. A hundred times over."  
  
"We'll see." Leonardo stood, brushing leaves and dirt off of himself. "Like you said, a month is such a long time."  
  
Raphael frowned. He thought Leonardo would get defensive, maybe fall back into their familiar script of the good son versus the hot head. Even stranger, he didn't follow up with another verbal attack aimed at his brother's insecurities. The argument didn't happen and as he sat up on his elbows watching him walk away, the lack of tension made him feel a little lightheaded. No vicious barbs and neither of them sulking for the rest of the day.  
  
"You'd better come in and take a shower," Leonardo called over his shoulder. "And then it's your turn in the kitchen."  
  
"Kitchen, right" Raphael muttered. A thought struck him and he looked up. "Wait, where's the house? I got turned around a while ago."  
  
"Oh, that explains it," Leonardo said to himself, but Raphael still heard him.  
  
When he didn't hear an answer, Raphael opened his mouth to demand one but as he sat up completely he saw the old silo just barely poking up from the trees. His mouth snapped shut and he grumbled to himself. No wonder Leonardo hadn't been out of breath. They were less than a mile away. He'd just been so frantic thinking his brother was going to slice him to bits...  
  
He snarled and smacked the closest tree with his fist, but he couldn't put any force behind the strike and didn't even bruise his knuckles. Tomorrow. Tomorrow he would see his brother just as frantic and out of control. He'd see Leonardo on the ground struggling, fighting not to beg. And he'd see him lose that fight.  
  
Raphael smiled the whole way back.


	9. Chapter 9

Once again Raphael woke up alone in bed. Sunlight streamed in through the window and birds twittered loudly outside. He grimaced as he sat up. Not only had he slept in, but he'd lost any chance to set the barn up to his advantage. As he swung his legs out of bed and sat for a moment, idly grabbing his mask off the nightstand, he felt every sore muscle in his arms and legs, as well as the lingering twinge of his brother's name in his shoulder.  
  
Not that he would ever say no, but he didn't want to go through another day of Leonardo's version of cat and mouse. He definitely didn't want anything else carved into him. Still, the thought of that knife cutting into his flesh made him smile, if not for the same reasons as his sibling. Leonardo had upped the stakes of their fights. Raphael would feel no sympathy for anything he did to his big brother.  
  
As soon as he felt wide awake, he made his way downstairs. The house was empty, so he figured Leonardo was either lurking outside or waiting inside the barn, well rested and ready for him. He carefully opened the kitchen door and let it swing out, ready for a surprise attack. When none came, he peeked out and scanned the yard, then glanced up to make sure Leonardo wasn't waiting on the roof. He didn't think he would, but he wasn't going to let Leonardo win again by assuming he would fight fair.  
  
Raphael stared at the barn. Going inside now without a plan would be the same as throwing the fight. He glanced around looking for inspiration and his gaze came to rest on the same shed he found the rope in before.  
  
"Let's see what else I can find in there," he murmured to himself.  
  
The doors groaned as he opened them wide to let in plenty of sunlight. A layer of dust covered old paint thinner bottles and tool boxes. A dented ladder stood up against the half-rusted shelves and he spotted a riding lawn mower in the far corner that probably hadn't been used in years. He let his gaze move towards the floor and smiled.  
  
Chains. Lots of chains, most of them in small sections. Some of them had turned lighter with rust, but they were all sturdy. The stack of padlocks beside them completed the plan in Raphael's mind. Just to be sure, he picked one of the locks up along with a pair of small keys almost lost in the grime covering the floor. The lock was a little stiff but it opened readily enough.  
  
Perfect.  
  
He counted out four long lengths of chain and an armful of padlocks and carried them quietly past the barn to the surrounding forest. He didn't go far, selecting the first four trees growing fairly close to each other. Even if he managed to lure his brother outside, keeping his trap closer would up his odds of winning. Moving quietly so Leonardo wouldn't hear him, he locked one end of each chain to each tree and left the open padlocks to the side. Once he finished the last one, he scattered a few leaves over the chains to hide them. With a deep breath he headed to the back of the barn, pressing his ear to the door.  
  
Silence, but knowing Leonardo, that didn't mean anything. Hoping Leo was inside, Raphael kicked open the door and stood back, hands up ready to attack.  
  
Instead he felt a little sheepish when he found his brother sitting cross-legged in the middle of the floor, deep in meditation. In the breeze from the opened door, Leonardo opened his eyes and blinked a couple times in the light. He smiled and tilted his head.  
  
"It's about time you woke up. I didn't think I wore you out that bad."  
  
Raphael frowned. "How long've you been sitting there?"  
  
"Since around seven," Leonardo said. "Why? Did you think I was going to pounce on you from the roof or something?"  
  
"Of course not." Raphael crossed his arms and leaned against the doorway. "I'm kinda surprised you didn't try anything in bed, though. Can't really fight back when I'm asleep."  
  
Leonardo half-shrugged it off, but Raphael knew that pensive look. He smiled. His big brother wasn't quite sure what to do when the rules changed. Come to think of it, Raphael had been setting the rules during this trip, too. A fight in the morning, winner calls the shots for the day, loser has to make dinner...  
  
Time for another rule, he thought.  
  
"Today's Friday, right?" he asked, continuing when Leonardo nodded. "Okay, new rule. Whoever wins on a Friday gets Saturday, too."  
  
The pensive look turned wary. "You sure you want to do that?"  
  
"What, afraid you'll lose?" When Leonardo didn't answer, Raphael's smile turned into a grin. "I'd get to keep you locked up overnight. I'm sure."  
  
Almost absently, Leonardo touched the lingering rope burns on his wrist. Raphael knew what he was thinking, what they were both thinking. They only had a few more days to hurt each other. They would need time to heal before going home or else they would risk getting questions that they couldn't answer. The next handful of days would be the roughest, and whoever lost could expect no sympathy from the other.  
  
"Fine," Leonardo said finally. "Don't whine about it when you lose."  
  
Raphael snorted. "You're the one still sitting there."  
  
Without a word, Leonardo rose and popped a few bones in his neck, obviously stiff from his long meditation. Raphael turned sideways as he eased into a defensive stance, not moving any further into the barn.  
  
"Don't you like fighting in the dark?" Leonardo asked.  
  
"Who knows what other dirty tricks you might pull," Raphael said. "I'd rather fight in the open."  
  
Shrugging as if it didn't matter, Leonardo took a few steps closer, then suddenly sprang towards him. Raphael didn't waste time dodging. He fell backwards and flipped his brother over him, turning on his hands and knees as fast as he could. In front of him, Leonardo landed on his feet as if he'd expected that, sliding a few inches in the fallen leaves.  
  
Rather than engage in a straightforward fight, Raphael grabbed a handful of leaves and dirt and raced towards Leonardo, tossing them at his eyes as he leaped towards the closest tree and used it to vault away. He expected his brother to close his eyes and toss off a mild complaint, but he yelped as a hand closed around his ankle and yanked him backward, slamming him on the ground.  
  
"I don't need to see you," Leonardo said between clenched teeth.  
  
Not knowing if his brother had his knife with him, Raphael couldn't afford to let him get in close. He planted his hands in the dirt and rose up, performing a half-mule kick with his free leg. His foot landed solidly in Leonardo's chest and knocked him back a few inches, not enough to hurt but enough to force him to let go. The kick also gave him the momentum to spring forward and run a few paces.  
  
Behind him, he heard Leonardo laugh lowly. He didn't have to wonder why. They both knew if Raphael ran, Leonardo would soon catch up. Raphael couldn't help his own laugh that his brother had no clue that he was being lured into a trap. It was so close now...  
  
Raphael turned and knelt so fast that Leonardo had no time to stop. He tried but slid again, leaving him off-balance so that Raphael swept his feet out from under him. The fall on his back knocked the wind out of him and he expected his brother to crawl on top of him, already thinking of a dozen ways to knock him off, but he knew something was wrong when Raphael instead grabbed his left ankle and put all of his weight on his leg.  
  
Leonardo's eyes widened in surprise, not surprised that he'd been trapped but that Raphael had thought ahead enough to set a trap. Cold metal closed over his ankle, cinching too tight with a padlock snapping shut.   
  
But he hadn't lost yet. He sat up and landed a punch to Raphael's jaw, sending him sprawling on the ground. Hating to waste even a few seconds, he forced himself to get a look a the padlock. To his relief it wasn't too rusty, and he pulled out the lockpick he kept in his wrist band. He only needed a few seconds--  
  
"Oh no you don't--" Raphael growled, tackling him from the side and sending them both into the dirt.  
  
Even though Raphael was stronger, Leonardo struggled solely to keep him occupied. Raphael thought that the lockpick was in his left hand and tried to pull that arm towards the ground, well away from the lock. Raphael would waste time trying to hold him down and when Raphael tired himself out enough, he would escape.  
  
Leonardo realized he'd underestimated his brother when he heard the clink of a second chain. Losing his grip on the lockpick, he turned on his side and grabbed Raphael's mask. When he yanked it back, Raphael grunted once and then tipped his head a few inches, letting the cloth slide free. Leonardo dropped it and grabbed Raphael's shell in time to hear the second padlock snap shut.  
  
Wrestling more than fighting, Raphael climbed over his brother and grabbed his free arm. Both of them strained against each other, knowing that whoever won this battle would win the fight entirely, but Leonardo had no leverage and Raphael had gravity on his side. Leonardo's frustrated cry made Raphael grin as he forced him flat and got the third chain on. The final chain was all too easy. Taking a few deep breaths, Raphael stood up and looked over his work, rubbing the growing bruise on his jaw.  
  
He'd made the chains too tight, studying how the cold links bit into his brother's skin, but he could loosen them later. The chains also had too much slack, giving Leonardo plenty of leeway to sit up and curl his legs underneath himself. Leonardo refused to meet his look, intently staring at the ground, but he couldn't pretend he was too exhausted to look up.

Raphael laughed once. His brother wasn't even breathing hard. The fight simply hadn't lasted long enough. This was a total victory. He spotted his mask by his feet and scooped it up, brushing it clean.  
  
"Not bad, fearless," he smirked. "Got yourself caught in what? Two minutes? A minute and a half?"  
  
"Shut up," Leonardo snapped.  
  
"Man, I wish I could tell everyone about this. I wish I'd brought a camera. You look great in metal." He glanced over his shoulder at the house. "Mm, wonder if Casey's got a polaroid in there--"  
  
"Don't you dare leave me like this!"  
  
The frustration was nice but it was the hint of panic in Leonardo's voice that convinced Raphael to do just that, and he started back towards the house, ignoring his brother's repeated command as he put his mask back on. An hour or two stuck out here would be a nice hit to Leo's damn ego. The air was chilly, maybe if he was lucky it would rain. And when he came back out, Leonardo would be wet and eager to cling to anything warm. Hell, his hands would probably be shaking too hard to hold a--wait a minute.

Raphael blinked.  
  
Leonardo hadn't been staring at the ground. He was looking for his lockpick.  
  
Raphael turned in time to see Leonardo with the lock around his left wrist in front of his face as he twisted the thin sliver of metal in the keyhole. Raphael ran back and pounced on him just as the lock snapped open, but luck was with him. The chain didn't slip free immediately and as they both crashed backwards, Raphael slapped the top of the lock back down again. The hard smack also knocked the lockpick out of Leonardo's hand, and Raphael grabbed it and tossed it well out of arm's reach.  
  
The near loss made Raphael gasp in relief. He kept Leonardo's hands pinned hard on the ground as he lay on top of him. If he hadn't turned back and kept going, Leonardo would've been free in a couple minutes and attacked him from behind.  
  
"Sneaky son of a bitch," Raphael muttered.  
  
"You're the one who set a trap," Leonardo grumbled. "If traps are allowed, you're not gonna win again."  
  
"We'll see about that," Raphael said with a smile. "Maybe I'll just make a new rule next time."  
  
"Who says I'll listen?"  
  
He knew he shouldn't, but the defiant tone made Raphael laugh. He sat up, keeping a firm grip on his brother's hands as he stared at him.  
  
"You'll do whatever I tell you to," he said softly. "You said it yourself. The chains're here just 'cause I like 'em."  
  
Leonardo didn't answer. He didn't have to. Raphael felt his brother shiver beneath him, and it was answer enough.  
  
"Was that your only lockpick?" he asked.  
  
Leonardo hesitated, then nodded once.  
  
"Good."  
  
Raphael eased back off of him, watching Leonardo sit up again. Raphael's pounce had knocked them back several inches so that Leonardo didn't have enough slack in the chains to pull his legs up. He had to settle for turning slightly on his side, but even that left Raphael sitting between his legs.  
  
"Two days," Raphael breathed.  
  
Leonardo winced. He didn't need the reminder. "Are you going to leave me out here all night?"  
  
Calm and steady, Leonardo didn't sound like he was frightened. He sounded like he wanted to know for how long to brace himself.  
  
 _How on earth did I think he was panicking over a couple hours alone out here?_ Raphael thought. _He's not afraid to act weak if it means he'll win._  
  
"Probably not," he said. A thought struck him and he grinned. "After all, you gotta make dinner tonight."  
  
The glare Leonardo shot him made his sore jaw worth it.


	10. Chapter 10

Raphael openly stared at his older brother, inspecting him the way a hunter might examine his prey. Dirt and damp leaves stuck to both their bodies, but Leonardo looked like he'd taken the worst of their wrestling on the forest floor. Raphael liked the disheveled look that gave his brother. Back home, even after a fight Leonardo rarely looked messy. He certainly never looked like the creature in front of him, competing to see who dominated who each day and deliciously indignant about losing.  
  
Big Brother would never let Raphael manhandle him like this. Fearless Leader would never sit in chains and patiently wait for his punishments. Raphael remembered the look on his brother's face in the barn when Leonardo lost a fight, unsure of himself and nervous, trembling when Raphael touched him. Struggling not to make a noise as Raphael bit him. Raphael brushed his hand across Leonardo's cheek, gently pressing on a bruise near his eye to make him flinch.  
  
But...Raphael frowned. His brother didn't look so unsure and confused now. Leonardo faced him instead of turning away, and that look, that damn arrogant and self-righteous look--Raphael's instincts told him to hurt his brother, to bite him or backhand him, anything to get rid of that determined look and force him to admit defeat.  
  
A thought slowly formed in his mind as he sat straight. That was the problem. Leonardo hadn't admitted he'd lost. He'd merely been caught, a temporary lull in their battle. This fight wasn't over yet. Raphael knew that if Leonardo somehow escaped, the fight would continue again until one of them wound up too tired or hurt to move.  
  
Okay. He would force Leonardo to concede, to admit Raphael had won. And since his big brother liked it rough, he refused to feel any guilt.  
  
The moment he scooted farther down along Leonardo's body, he felt his brother tense as if to strike. Maybe Leonardo thought he could steal the key somehow. Raphael gave a humorless laugh and seized Leonardo's wrists, forcing them back down to the ground. Careful not to lose his grip, he began to nudge his knees against his brother's legs, smiling when Leonardo's eyes widened in understanding.  
  
Raphael easily positioned himself, prodding his brother's legs a little wider as he hesitated long enough to savor Leonardo tensing and bracing himself. They had done this before, or rather he'd forced himself on Leonardo before, so they both knew what to expect. Raphael didn't understand exactly how they were able to do this when humans needed time or preparation, and he didn't really want to know the details. He just knew that when he thrust in, Leonardo's stifled gasp was less due to pain and more due to the agony of losing control.  
  
During their clandestine trysts in the lair, he'd used his brother's body for his own enjoyment. Now Raphael held himself back as long as he could, more intent on wearing out his brother than his own satisfaction. For some reason, holding his brother down was easy. Whether it was because Leonardo couldn't concentrate or because he simply wasn't as strong, Raphael didn't know. But feeling Leonardo struggle uselessly underneath him made it impossible to keep himself under control. After one more violent, shuddering thrust, he finally exhaled and leaned all of his weight on his brother's wrists, not caring about the deep bruising that would result.  
  
Leonardo didn't move, catching his breath as Raphael grinned and adjusted himself more comfortably on top of his brother.  
  
"All the fight kinda goes outta ya, huh?" Raphael whispered harshly. "Get fucked up the ass and you lose all the urge to fight. God, you're such a bitch, you--"  
  
He stopped. Leonardo had tensed, turned away and refused to meet his eyes, but it was the drawn look on his face that brought Raphael to a halt. Leonardo looked like he might be physically sick.  
  
His first thought was that he'd hurt him accidentally, but he thought better of it in a moment. Leonardo wasn't cold or struggling to control his breathing. He just looked sick. Or disgusted. Raphael narrowed his eyes.  
  
"A whore for a good fuck," he whispered, and was rewarded with a flinch. Raphael stared at Leonardo in surprise.  
  
"Oh my God..." he breathed in surprise. "You're kidding me. You'll chase me around with a knife, you'll let me tie you up, hell, you'll come out here to play sex games for a month, but you can't handle a little dirty talk?"  
  
His teasing tone brought a satisfying reddish tint to his brother's face, but Leonardo refused to look at him, instead staring out of the corner of his eye at the ground. Raphael frowned. Did Leonardo really think he could pretend he hadn't heard and the question would go away?  
  
Trying to get a reaction, Raphael pressed his tongue against Leonardo's throat and licked down to his collar bone. That usually made Leonardo hiss or twist or even writhe under him. Nothing.  
  
"Don't ignore me," he whispered. When Leonardo still refused to look at him, he bit down hard where his neck met his shoulder. A strangled scream forced its way out of Leonardo's mouth, and he arched against Raphael in shock. When Raphael let go, he gave the marks a few token licks and put his hand on Leonardo's jaw, forcing him to meet his eyes.  
  
"I warned you," he said, tightening his grip as Leonardo tried to look away again. "Unless you want me to bite so hard it won't heal before we go home."  
  
That got his attention. Leonardo stopped fighting and sighed the way he always did when Raphael backed him into a corner. Raphael couldn't help it. Leonardo looked so annoyed that he laughed lowly.  
  
"You're so cute when you get pissy," Raphael teased. "Especially when you can't do anything about it. Now how come that look?"  
  
Leonardo gave one more token struggle before finally relaxing in defeat. "I just don't like it," he muttered.  
  
"Uh-uh, I ain't gonna buy that after the way you reacted," Raphael said.  
  
"Raph--"  
  
"Maybe you forgot I own your ass for the next two days," Raphael said. "So spill. How come if I bite the shit outta ya, it makes you hot, but a few bad words and you act like a fuckin' virgin?"  
  
For a moment he thought he'd have to bite him again, but after a few seconds of silence, Leonardo answered.  
  
"It's...cheap," he mumbled. "It's just a string of insults. Who likes insults in bed?"  
  
"Lotsa people," Raphael said. "And I insult you all the time, I just don't usually curse that bad at home. What's so different about this?"  
  
When Leonardo hesitated, Raphael brushed the teeth marks in his brother's neck in warning.  
  
"It feels dishonorable," Leonardo whispered. "It's like laughing at your enemy after you've won. It's just...cheap."  
  
Raphael silently mulled that over for a moment. He knew he'd laughed at Leonardo before, low mocking taunts to rile his brother up or make him snarl. How was that dishonorable? Why hadn't Leonardo frozen up then?  
  
But as he thought about the past carefully, he started to think that Leonardo meant something a little different. Raphael could let insults like that slide off his shell, but Leonardo seemed to take them personally. In fact, their time up here had only lasted a few days so far, but it already felt far more important than all of their trysts back home. Leonardo had let himself be bound and commanded. He'd revealed parts of himself that he'd kept concealed before, including a love of knives that would disturb the rest of the family but that he'd trust with Raphael.  
  
 _Come to think of it,_ Raphael thought, _it's been more like one big high stakes fight than giving in every time I force him at home._  
  
Early morning fights. Resisting every scream and groan. Chasing Raphael through the forest and now, forcing Raphael to continue their fight even though he'd already lost. If Leonardo could handle taunts on the battlefield but not after he won--  
  
"I get it," Raphael whispered to himself. He looked down at his brother in surprise. "Man, you have got to let go of this fight fetish thing you've got going."  
  
"What? I don't have a--"  
  
"Well, I don't know what the hell you call it," Raphael said over him. "But it's like you can't have any fun unless I beat the crap outta ya. Was that what that whole cutting me up business was? Punishing me for not winning?"  
  
Leonardo wrenched free of Raphael's hand and stared at the trees again. Intensely satisfied with himself, Raphael grinned and laughed under his breath. The things he learned about his brother he wouldn't use against him back home, at least not within earshot of anyone else, but everything was fair game right now.  
  
"I think you like losing," Raphael sing-songed, nuzzling his throat and licking the deep impressions his teeth had made. "Now that you mention it, I don't remember you ever cussing during a fight, and since that seems to be foreplay for ya--"  
  
"Shut up--"  
  
Leonardo's voice turned into muffled noises as Raphael shoved two fingers into his mouth. Knowing better than to bite, Leonardo swallowed his grumbling and refused to meet his eyes as Raphael used his grip to force him to look up again.  
  
"That's it," Raphael murmured, "look at me while you're sucking or I won't let you go for the rest of the week."  
  
A threat or a bluff? Leonardo wouldn't take the chance. Glaring up at his sibling, he fought not to gag as Raphael slowly forced his fingers further into his mouth, bumping the back of his throat. Raphael developed a steady rhythm, rocking on top of him even as his fingertips explored his mouth.   
  
"There you go, take 'em deeper," Raphael said, sliding his fingers into the last knuckle. "I know you can do it. You've got a big mouth. Nice to see you using it for something better than lecturing me. Not like I don't know the script about staying out late and not drinking or being respectful--"  
  
He cut himself off there. Being respectful to Splinter would've reminded them both of their master, and that would be like a cold splash of water right now. No need to mention their father until the month was up.  
  
"So this kinda talk you can stand," he started again. "Being ordered around. You like orders, don't ya? Tell ya what, when we get home, you can lecture me all ya want. 'Cause every time you do, this is what'll happen. Piss me off and we'll see just how deep you can take it. Got it?"  
  
A strangled mmf slipped around his fingers, and Raphael took it as agreement, drawing his fingers out and scooting down Leonardo's body. By the time he was back between his legs, Leonardo had grit his teeth in expectation.  
  
"I think I'm ready for another go," Raphael said. "How 'bout you? Heh, dumb me. Of course you're ready, I'm the one doing all the work."  
  
He didn't have to worry about Leonardo trying to fight anymore. As Raphael slid in again, slowly this time as he enjoyed the look on his face, Leonardo winced and dug his fingers into the dirt. The chains drew taut around his ankles as he tried to pull them even an inch closer, and although he could move his arms, after awhile he found more relief grabbing the chains and holding them tight.  
  
Now that Leonardo had given in, Raphael took his time on top of him. Why rush? His hand closed on the key tucked in his belt. Maybe after this he'd leave the key hanging on a branch just out of Leonardo's reach.  
  
"Hey, Fearless," he muttered, fighting his own self-control not to speed up and finish too fast, "I got half a mind to fling the key into the woods where we never find it again. Wanna convince me otherwise?"  
  
As virginal as his big brother liked to act, Raphael smirked at how fast Leonardo figured out what he wanted. As if he'd been ordered, Leonardo began pushing his hips back to meet him. His movements were hampered by chains and clumsy from the angle, but the effort was all it took to drive Leonardo to climax.  
  
A little impressed that he hadn't had to use his hands, Raphael refused to allow himself immediate release and kept thrusting until his brother was moaning and scraping the leaves clear of the dirt again, increasingly uncomfortable at the constant pressure. Leonardo tried to keep quiet, but his clenched teeth kept letting little noises slip out.  
  
"Just say it," Raphael told him. "You can make it stop. Just beg me and--"  
  
To his surprise, Leonardo didn't try to resist anymore.  
  
"Raph, please!"  
  
Raphael came in surprise, so surprised that he almost didn't get to enjoy it. Maybe Leonardo simply hadn't known how to make him stop until he told him. That, or he simply couldn't withstand pleasure as much as he could pain.  
  
There was a word for that, Raphael thought as he lay down on top of Leonardo. Someone who liked one over the other. And a word for someone who liked it the other way around. He couldn't remember them right now. He'd have to remember later.  
  
His eyes half-closed as he watched the shadows of the tree branches swaying over the ground and his brother's hand. He'd have to loosen the chains around Leonardo's wrists and ankles soon, but for now he was content to listen to Leonardo pant for breath. And he liked the idea of Leonardo wearing bruises he put on him.  
  
"Hell," he whispered, "I think we can do this all day."  
  
The soft, short groan from beneath him didn't sound as happy as he felt, but it wasn't begging him to stop, either.


	11. Chapter 11

The light chill of the shadows lengthening across the ground woke him up. With a tired sigh, Leonardo opened his eyes and watched the leaves wave overhead as they twisted free of their stems and floated down. The sunlight made the trees look as if they were slowly smoldering with fiery edges, and the underside of the leaves looked as red as coals.  
  
Exhausted, he rose up on his elbows and winced as his whole body ached in response. Raphael lay with his head on his stomach, breathing too softly to hear. Leonardo considered searching him for the key, but even tired, Raphael would notice and wake up. No, he was stuck until released, and he wasn't sure he wanted to wake Raphael just yet.  
  
His brother had mentioned loosening the chains, but Raphael had been too wrapped up in playing with him to do so. Leonardo's wrists and ankles throbbed under the metal, but he didn't think they were tight enough to do more than bruise. He tried to move them as little as possible.  
  
In a way, he was glad he didn't have to move. Raphael had brought up several things that he didn't want to think about yet. Later on he'd have to confront them, since he didn't think he'd be able to sleep until he was sure one way or the other. Today had been more intense than he expected.  
  
Virgin? He squashed a laugh. After everything he'd done with Raphael? Maybe. Cursing seemed like such a little thing compared to sex in the dirt and wet leaves. He'd never expected to respond to his brother's taunts like that. He'd never expected to wrap his legs around him and beg his name, either.  
  
 _Maybe just hopelessly naive,_ he thought.  
  
This--whatever this was with Raphael--was easier if he didn't have a choice. If he could pretend he didn't have a choice. Being wrapped up in chains didn't mean he'd lost. It just meant the fight dragged on through the sex.  
  
Why couldn't Raphael have forced him to admit defeat like before? It was so much easier to give in that way. But it seemed like Raphael had a broader idea of defeat, something harder to surrender to than just a match.  
  
Raphael shifted and yawned, arching his back as he slowly woke up. For a moment he looked confused, wondering why he was sleeping outside, but when he found himself on top of Leonardo, he smiled as he remembered.  
  
"Still in one piece?" Raphael asked, climbing up Leonardo and forcing him to lay flat again. He nuzzled his throat, licking the little wounds his teeth had left behind. "Trying not to wake me up?"  
  
"Kind of," Leonardo admitted. He hissed as Raphael's tongue left his cuts throbbing. "Why do you like biting?"  
  
"Dunno. Just do." Raphael sighed and sat up, looking down at his brother in self-satisfaction. "I think I'll stop for now, though. I'm getting hungry, and I don't want to take a real mouthful out of you."  
  
"You sure you didn't already?" Leonardo stretched underneath him, feeling the extent of his bites and bruises.  
  
"Hey, I had to get you to give up somehow," Raphael said. "You really need to learn when to give up." He cocked his head to one side. "Or maybe how."  
  
Leonardo didn't answer. Raphael didn't press, and instead got up and fished the key from his belt. He tossed it onto Leonardo's plastron and turned to go inside.  
  
"Remember," he said over his shoulder, "I want chicken parmesan for dinner. And I get to use the shower first."  
  
Briefly considering throwing the key at Raphael's head and simply spending the night outside, Leonardo grumbled under his breath and unlocked himself. Nights got cold here and he wanted to be ensconced inside before dark.  
  
If the chains had hurt before, they felt worse when they slipped off. He groaned as they released, relief at first and then increasing soreness as the blood rushed in. Leonardo left the chains lying where they fell, fascinated by the marks they'd left behind. Short indents in his skin outlined purple bruises. He put his hand around his wrist and gently pressed them down, making them throb again.  
  
They looked so small. Practice in the dojo left worse bruises every day. Even carving his own name into Raphael had left smaller cuts than normal sparring did. Little injuries were just part of growing up with three brothers, let alone training for clan warfare. So why did these insignificant bruises feel like they ran bone deep? When he stood, he felt a strange satisfaction at how the blood pulsed through them. He couldn't forget they were there.  
  
He didn't try to walk at first. He leaned against the closest tree, letting himself get used to standing again as he stretched his sore legs. His whole body had the sense that it had been in a fight, but he didn't have the usual pain of cracked bones, deep cuts or miscellaneous wounds like burns.  
  
One step at a time, he made his way back to the house and knelt by the outside faucet next to the kitchen door. It turned with a little force, giving him a steady stream of cold water to rinse away dirt and leaves and the rest of the mess Raphael had left. He filled his hand, brought it to his mouth and drank, feeling the chill as it swept down his throat into him.  
  
Tired. The thought of the bed upstairs was so inviting, but Raphael would insist on his orders being followed. Two days! Leonardo kicked himself for being reckless enough to take that bet. And it meant that Raphael had him for the night, too. Would he be tied to the bed?  
  
As anxious as those thoughts made him, he honestly couldn't think of anything to do if he'd won the bet. He still had a few more letters to carve into Raphael, but aside from that--and the thought of hunting Raphael through the woods did send delicious shivers through him--he didn't quite know what to do with him. Whereas Raphael seemed to have ideas upon ideas.  
  
He went inside and began pulling things from the refrigerator. Cooking annoyed him to no end, but at least April had left a couple of recipe books here. He found the right recipe and flipped it open, sighing as he read each step.  
  
There was a metallic squeak from upstairs, and the sound of water rushing through the pipes stopped. He smiled. At least he had a moment's reprieve from cooking, now that Raphael was done with the shower. Carefully heading up the stairs, making sure he kept a good hold on the hand rail, he leaned against the wall across from the bathroom. A few minutes passed as he listened to his brother finishing up, and he let his eyes close as he waited.  
  
To his surprise, Raphael started humming. He didn't recognize the tune, but it was slower and softer than he'd expected his brother to listen to. It sounded almost...traditional. Something their sensei might have put on for ambiance as he meditated. He tilted his head as he listened, relaxing despite himself.  
  
The door opened, startling him slightly, and Raphael came out with a damp towel around his waist. He took a step back when he saw Leonardo, then smiled and came close, nuzzling his throat. Leonardo didn't move except to turn aside and give Raphael better access.  
  
"You give in better inside," Raphael murmured. "No fighting. How come?"  
  
"Just don't want to break the furniture," Leonardo answered.  
  
"Heh. Don't take too long. I'm starved." Raphael disappeared into the bedroom, his smug chuckle grating on Leonardo's nerves.  
  
Wondering if Raphael had left any hot water, Leonardo stripped off his mask and pads, dropping them next to the pile with a red bandana. The moment he turned on the water, fresh steam began to fill the room. Every drop blazed across his skin, alternately stinging his cuts and soothing sore joints and muscles. He turned his face up to the stream, wincing as the heat coursed over him. Had he ever felt anything quite like this? None of the anxiety of surviving an attack, none of the sharp agony of deep wounds. Just a deep weariness and receding hurts. Strange that it should be so satisfying.  
  
By the time dinner was actually served, the sun looked like melted gold on the horizon. The sound of the television filled the room with low background noise that neither of them listened to. Leonardo set down Raphael's plate, then went back for his own, feeling Raphael's stare following him out.  
  
Comfortable settled on the couch, Raphael watched him move while favoring his right leg. Probably the one he'd slept on. He'd found that staring made Leonardo self-conscious, but annoying his brother took a backseat to simply watching him.  
  
The sharp stings of his bites and the deep soreness he knew Leonardo had to be feeling gave him a hyperawareness of his brother's body. Leonardo was interesting to watch when he wasn't hurt, as quiet and fluid as the shadows they lived in, but like this? He moved with the deliberateness of a creature made out of glass, afraid he might shatter at the smallest jolt. Like clockwork, as if Raphael could see every fluid movement broken down into pieces slow enough that he could see exactly how his brother walked. No wasted motion. No wasted energy. He moved exactly the way he needed to, no more.  
  
He contrasted it to the way Michelangelo moved, like a blur of potential shooting off in all directions and impossible to contain. Leonardo kept that energy locked down until forced to use it.   
  
Dinner wasn't great, but it was exactly what he asked for, although the cook clearly hadn't cared about following the recipe perfectly. There probably shouldn't have been so much salt. Raphael figured he should be glad that the chicken wasn't raw. As he ate, Leonardo returned with his usual fish and rice and sat down, not on the couch as Raphael expected, but on the floor, his back against the couch.  
  
Raphael froze, but not because Leonardo never sat on the floor. At home when the couches filled up, Leonardo preferred the floor. But his brother shifted his weight and leaned against Raphael's leg, resting his head on his knee, and suddenly this was not the way he sat at home.  
  
Smiling in near disbelief, Raphael lay his hand on his brother's shoulder. "You are such a masochist and you don't even realize it."  
  
"What?" Leonardo looked at him with wide eyes. "What do you mean?"  
  
Still smiling, Raphael just shook his head and finished eating. As before, when Leonardo had cleared the dishes away, an awkward silence fell between them. Neither of them knew exactly what to do with each other when they weren't fighting or arguing.  
  
"Outside." Raphael stood and opened the front door, pausing to make sure Leonardo would follow.  
  
His brother looked at him, tensing as he breathed out. Leonardo thought he wanted another go and didn't feel up to it, but he followed anyway.  
  
Instead of walking into the woods, however, Raphael sat down on the porch steps and leaned a little forward, motioning for Leonardo to join him. Leonardo walked down one more step and settled at Raphael's side, sprawling back on his elbow.  
  
"Did...did you have something in mind?" Leonardo asked, his hesitation giving away his nervousness..  
  
"Nothing like that," he said, shaking his head. "You ain't the only one that's tired."  
  
He waved vaguely at the clouds spread over the sky. "We don't get to see sunsets back home like this. We always got one eye on the street. S'nice to be able to watch one without thinking I'm gonna get a throwing star in the back."  
  
Leonardo half-smiled. "Shouldn't lower your guard just because we're out here."  
  
"Uh-uh." Raphael put one finger over Leonardo's mouth, letting it fall when his brother got the message. "I own you tonight, and tonight I say no worrying."  
  
Silent, Leonardo raised an eye-ridge. Raphael laughed despite himself.  
  
"Okay, fine. I can't stop the inevitable. But no whining about it."  
  
Rolling his eyes, Leonardo nonetheless turned and leaned against him, watching the sun slip a little farther under the dark line of trees. Not too far back, the stars quietly crept after it, shining through a few translucent clouds.  
  
Now that they stopped talking, the sound of crickets filled the forest again. Leonardo wondered if he could catch one and bring it in, but he didn't think Raphael would care for the sound. He wished there were fireflies. He'd only ever seen them on television as little circles of light hovering around the trees. A handful of dragonflies zipped along the ground, the last holdouts against autumn.  
  
The wind twisted in the air, changing from the comfortable warm breeze to a cool, capricious gust as the stars became brighter. The sky turned darker shades of blue and purple as the sun finally disappeared. Rustling with strange creaks and groans, the forest seemed less foreboding with the open door and warm lamp light behind them.  
  
Leonardo looked over his shoulder, wondering when Raphael would want to go back inside. The look on his brother's face stopped him from asking. Raphael never looked this calm at home, but here he watched the moonlight turn the tree branches white with such focus that he reminded him of the candles back home, perfectly still save for the smallest flicker, his expression shifting as ideas came and went.  
  
A stray thought nearly made him laugh. He squashed it and turned away before Raphael noticed, but he moved too fast. Raphael blinked and watched him, narrowing his eyes when it became clear Leonardo was trying not to laugh.  
  
"What?" he snapped.  
  
"It's nothing," Leonardo said, smiling as he shook his head.  
  
"No, it ain't." Raphael grabbed the edge of his shell and gently tipped him back a few inches until they could see eye to eye. "Spill it."  
  
"It's nothing bad," Leonardo said. "It's just...you always said you hate meditation."  
  
Raphael tilted his head. "I do."  
  
Leonardo shook his head again. "But you're doing it now."  
  
"What?" Raphael glanced at the forest as if it had betrayed him, but they were the same trees and stars and chirping crickets he'd been staring at. "No way. Meditation means staring at stupid candles for hours."  
  
"The candle's just something to focus on," Leonardo said. He nodded at the tree branches, ivory in the moonlight. "Like the forest."  
  
"I ain't trying to clear my thoughts or any of that other stuff," Raphael said slowly.  
  
Closing his eyes, Leonardo sighed in that way that always irritated Raphael, as if he'd missed something obvious. Raphael let him go and leaned back, lost in thought. Kicking back and letting nature move around him, that was meditating? If it was, Raphael thought that Splinter made things too complicated. Sit straight, stare at the candle, hands loose, inhale, hold for five, exhale--a dozen distractions that made it nothing but a useless chore.  
  
Overhead, wisps of clouds drifted by. Without city lights to drown them out, the stars spread in a broad, milky stream that outshone the moon. It was a view the humans took for granted, and one he missed every night. Cool air on his face, noisy crickets and owls and the occasional bat overhead, a world so much more vivid than his home underground, without wind, with hardly any light.  
  
Lying back on the top step, he stretched out and relaxed as Leonardo leaned against his side. He didn't care if this was meditation or not. Right now he didn't have to huddle in the dark and guard against his enemies. And he didn't have to yell and argue with his brother over insignificant aggravations. Lying quietly with Leonardo was a luxury, he knew. When they went home again, he had no doubt they'd go back to their veneer of snapping at each other and hiding this new aspect of their lives from everyone.  
  
He intended to savor this trip while it lasted.


	12. Chapter 12

When he woke, Raphael lay holding Leonardo's waist, hugging him flush against himself. The morning left the air chilly, so he pulled the blankets a little higher over them both. Leonardo was obviously awake. His tight breaths, how still he held himself--it made Raphael think of a lit fuse.  
  
"Good morning," he whispered, kissing the back of his neck and smiling as Leonardo tensed. "Pretend all ya want. Sleepers don't shiver like that."  
  
"...how do you stand staying in bed this long?" Leonardo whispered, tilting his head towards him but not enough to actually see him. "It doesn't feel right."  
  
"Well, not to a morning person," Raphael said.  
  
He kept kissing and licking the back of Leonardo's neck until Leonardo had arched away as far as he could, with tiny noises escaping as he curved his body to its limit. So enjoyable to have him squirming and antsy but honorbound to stay put.  
  
"How long've you been up?" Raphael asked. "An hour? Two?"  
  
"N-not sure," Leonardo hissed through clenched teeth. "Since sunrise."  
  
"Poor thing," Raphael teased. "I'll let you get up if you bring back breakfast."  
  
"Done."  
  
Laughing at how fast that answer came, Raphael let go and watched Leonardo swing out of bed, grab his gear and mask and disappear out the door. He listened to the stairs creak and then the floorboards across the living room. The heater rumbled on a moment after, slowly warming up before it clicked on and warmed the house.  
  
He settled back in bed and waited. Waking up with someone next to him was nice, he decided. A shame Leonardo had his inner clock set several hours too fast. He'd thought taking him to bed late after an exhausting day would keep him asleep longer, but their midday nap had ruined that.  
  
To his surprise, Leonardo brought back a real breakfast, bacon, eggs, even coffee. Raphael watched with satisfaction as Leonardo set the tray on his lap and then retreated to the foot of the bed, waiting for Raphael to finish. The food was a little overcooked and crisped around the edges, but it was passable.  
  
"Not hungry?" Raphael asked, trying the coffee. Perfect. They all had plenty of practice brewing pots for Donatello.  
  
"Not right now," Leonardo said, staring at the wall, motionless.  
  
"Nervous?"  
  
At first Leonardo didn't answer. Then he gave one tight nod.  
  
In only a few days, Raphael thought, they'd come pretty far. At home, Leonardo never would have admitted that to him. And Raphael would have pounced on that weakness.  
  
Weakness? Raphael mused on that, brooding over his coffee. No. Vulnerability. Usually it meant the same thing to them, a weak point in a fight, be it with their enemies or with each other. But here it could be something else. Trust, maybe. Faith in each other. A willingness to open up a part of themselves that could be too easily wounded.  
  
From the past few days, Raphael knew Leonardo trusted him, but his big brother didn't seem to handle anticipation very well. Leonardo trembled when he was slowly tied up in the barn and he refused to look at him now. And yet locking him up in chains in a handful of seconds didn't frighten him or make him stare around the forest, afraid they might be attacked.  
  
As delicious as Leonardo's nervousness was, he didn't want it to become overwhelming. Leonardo had a bad habit of obsessing, and if Raphael let it go on, he risked his brother withdrawing from this...whatever this was.  
  
He finished breakfast and stared at Leonardo. No, he wouldn't let it happen. Leonardo had finally been able to show him this part of himself. He didn't want to see him crawl back into his withdrawn shell, too nervous to even return Raphael's advances.  
  
Leonardo's gaze flickered towards him, noticed he was staring back, and flickered back to the wall.  
  
"I'm finished," Raphael said, leaning over to set the tray on the floor.  
  
As he sat straight again, he stretched the last traces of sleep from his muscles and propped Leonardo's pillow behind himself. Now he could lie back and still watch him. He pushed the blanket away and spread his legs slightly, one hand angled toward his plastron where he was already hard.  
  
"Come here."  
  
His voice changed. Not teasing, not smug, Raphael used the commanding tone he'd used when he first dragged Leonardo onto the floor of the practice room and pinned him down. The response was instant. Leonardo turned and followed Raphael's hand gesture, glancing up at Raphael again.  
  
"Go on," Raphael said. "You showed me how much you like it when you were cutting me up."  
  
Leonardo let his gaze slide back down. Swallowing reflexively, he bent over Raphael's lap and put his hands on the mattress for support.  
  
"Raph...when I did that--I didn't mean to hurt you--"  
  
As he hesitated, Raphael grasped the back of his neck and firmly guided him down so fast that his shaft passed Leonardo's lips before he'd finished speaking, silencing him save for the small noises that escaped as he licked and breathed. Raphael watched him bob in a slow rhythm, taking him deeper into his mouth, even bumping against his throat once or twice before Leonardo had to fight to keep from gagging.  
  
"You didn't hurt me," Raphael murmured, holding the back of his neck so that he didn't stop. "Freaked me out a lot. But the cuts--hell, we've all had way worse in practice."  
  
Leonardo looked up at him. The sight of him meeting his eyes while he continued to take him in his mouth--Raphael couldn't stop himself even to draw out the pleasure. He came as his head tipped back, pressing Leonardo down again without realizing it, until finally the feeling passed.  
  
He breathed in, out, and he watched the sunlight stretch across the ceiling. A deep contentment filled him, then faded again. A soft jerk, then another, as Leonardo tried to raise his head. Raphael looked at him again, running his thumb over Leonardo's cheek before letting him go.  
  
He felt cool air on wet skin, but it was Leonardo's heavy breathing brought him out of his reverie. He watched his brother draw in deep breath after deep breath, realizing that he'd unintentionally choked him when he held him down. Strange that Leonardo hadn't struggled to pull away.  
  
Curious, Raphael tilted his head. Maybe not so strange. Big brother liked having control taken away from him. If he'd pushed down, Leonardo might have given in and stayed down, watching him as he slowly ran out of air.  
  
The thought brought all his desire back in a rush. Leonardo noticed the difference in him, from relaxed to intent again, and he sat straight, watching him warily. He said nothing, but he swallowed once, never taking his eyes off him.  
  
Raphael couldn't give a name to this feeling. He recognized it from before, the satisfaction of controlling his brother, tying him up or chaining him outside. Control, taking advantage of his vulnerability--and it felt all the more complete because he knew Leonardo was giving that control to him. Just the same as he'd given Leonardo that control when he leaned over him with the knife.  
  
With a word, they could end this. They both knew they never would. It would admit weakness, fear, a lack of trust, and they both trusted each other with their lives.  
  
Heady with knowing he could do whatever he wanted, Raphael reached out and touched Leonardo's neck, sliding his hand around to the front of his throat, feeling soft, raised scars beneath his fingertips.  
  
"Wonder if there's any part of you that ain't got scars," he said.  
  
Leonardo looked away, and Raphael reached a little higher to his jaw, turning him back again to face him.  
  
"No, keep watching me," Raphael said. "I like it when you watch."  
  
Despite himself, Leonardo half-smiled. "But then I can see you staring at me."  
  
"Sex ain't meant to be stealthy," Raphael laughed. "You can't hide in the shadows during it. Besides, I like it with the lights on. I get to see all those expressions on your face."  
  
"I feel weird being watched."  
  
"Of course you do. We'd die pretty quick if we let other people see us."  
  
Raphael moved a little closer, feeling like a cat sneaking up on a mouse. Hard again, he fought to control his animal instincts. Sex was fun, but these cruel games they played added delicious spice. Deliberately controlling Leonardo was worth taking his time and doing it thoroughly.  
  
"So," Raphael said as he crept closer, coming onto his knees and looming a few inches over Leonardo. "You said before we haven't reached your limit."  
  
"Not even close," Leonardo said, nodding.  
  
The mattress creaked beneath them as Raphael wrapped his hand around Leonardo's throat and forced him back, straddling him as he held him down. Leonardo didn't try to force Raphael to let go. His breathing came faster and faster until Raphael gently pressed his thumb down and squeezed Leonardo's throat just enough to cut off his air.  
  
The hold was light. Leonardo could have easily pushed him off, even snapped his arm. Instead he closed his eyes and turned his head, twisting underneath Raphael as his body gradually demanded oxygen. For some reason the blankets rustling around them grew louder in his ears.  
  
Hyperaware of the room around him as his lungs burned, Leonardo heard the autumn wind blowing leaves against the window, winced against the sunlight falling over his eyes. Even the air felt colder, making him curl up as much as he could with his brother on top of him.  
  
Raphael smiled and rocked with Leonardo's movements. They'd all practiced holding their breath for long periods of time so he recognized the rhythmic rise of Leonardo's chest as his body involuntarily fought to breathe. When his brother opened his mouth trying to breathe, Raphael realized that Leo wasn't going to make him let go. Either Leonardo trusted him to ease up, or he didn't mind being strangled into unconsciousness.  
  
The thought made Raphael jerk his hand away. Leonardo dragged in a breath, but the resultant gasp didn't rock Raphael anymore than the struggling had. His weight was simply too much on his brother, and Leonardo stayed winded as he tried to breathe despite Raphael sitting on him.  
  
"Just how far are you willing to let me go?" Raphael murmured.  
  
"Scared?"  
  
No way. Raphael blinked and looked at him again. No way. Starving for air, his brother shouldn't be the one doing the teasing. But he recognized the faint smile on Leonardo's face. It was the one he wore after winning a fight or an argument.  
  
He put his hands on Leonardo's throat again, but he didn't squeeze. He stroked the skin there, looking into his brother's eyes as Leonardo took a quick breath, then let it out again slowly when he guessed that Raphael wasn't going to strangle him again just yet.  
  
Raphael adjusted for a better grip and nudged a knee between Leonardo's legs, forcing him to spread out to accommodate him.  
  
"Not at all," he said in a low voice.  
  
Keeping only one hand on his brother's throat, he grabbed Leonardo's thigh and pulled up, putting him at a convenient angle. Raphael watched the smile disappear, replaced by nervous anticipation. Leonardo watched him, trying to read his look.  
  
"Scared?" Raphael echoed.  
  
Leonardo narrowed his eyes at his teasing. Before he could answer, Raphael pressed against him, then thrust in. In the same motion, his hand tightened around Leonardo's throat, his thumb pressing his throat closed.  
  
Careful, he had to be absolutely careful. Raphael stared into Leonardo's eyes, watching for any sign of dizziness or loss of focus. Again Leonardo grabbed his hand, holding him like an anchor as he struggled to breathe. Raphael heard a faint hiss as Leonardo managed a slight breath. He pressed slightly harder, cutting even that off.  
  
Leonardo mouthed his name. Raphael's thrusts came faster, hard enough to rock Leonardo's entire body, and his head began to tilt back. The sun through the window dazzled his eyes, and the back of his head began to tingle with the lack of air.  
  
His legs tightened around Raphael's waist and he threw his head side to side, fighting with himself. Instinct demanded that he break Raphael's hold, throw him off, reverse their positions even. He focused on the hand on his throat, the harsh pounding into the mattress, and he wrapped his legs around Raphael's shell, distracting his body's demand to resist by tricking it. He held Raphael tight, forcing him closer.  
  
When he thought he would pass out, he forced himself to look Raphael in the eye. The hand around his thigh tightened and Raphael drove as deep as he could, remained there as he shuddered and his head tilted back.  
  
Finally the hand on his throat released. Leonardo drew in a deep breath. The sudden relief made him slump back, falling out of Raphael's grip.  
  
Startled, Raphael leaned over him with wide eyes, sighing in relief when he saw that Leonardo wasn't unconscious. His eyes narrowed and he frowned, glancing over him again.  
  
"You didn't come."  
  
The half-shrug that Leonardo gave him didn't satisfy him. Leonardo didn't even seem interested in trying to. Raphael flopped back on the bed next to him, his surge of adrenalin from fear wiping out any afterglow. Strange. They'd all half-throttled each other in practice at some time or another, with deadly weapons and in the heat of the moment, often not under Splinter's watchful eye. Doing it carefully, bare handed with both partners able to stop, felt far more dangerous.  
  
"How come you didn't?" Raphael asked, unable to stop thinking about it.  
  
"Don't worry about it," Leonardo said.  
  
Snorting, Raphael nudged his side hard enough to make him grunt. "I wanna know."  
  
Rubbing the sore spot, Leonardo gave him a look but began thinking of a reply. As the seconds passed into minutes, Raphael wondered if he would get an answer, but he didn't hit him again. Leonardo was always obvious when he thought, focused on only one thing until he figured it out.  
  
"Do you like hurting me?" Leonardo finally asked.  
  
A question with a question? Raphael snorted again. Leonardo was developing a bad habit of acting like Splinter sometimes. He almost snapped at him impatiently, but the question was out there and he wasn't sure of the answer himself.  
  
How to answer that one? Raphael swallowed once and tightened his hold on his brother. If they'd been home with their brothers and sensei nearby, he never would have been able to say one way or the other. The feeling of family kept them both locked into their roles as leader and sullen clan member, responsible and hotheaded. But away from home, those expectations fell away, allowing them to define themselves however they wanted.  
  
"Yeah." He stared at the ceiling as he spoke. "I like hearing all the weird sounds you make when you're trying to be quiet. I like watching you fight and I--I really like watching you give up."  
  
To his surprise, Leonardo laughed.  
  
"Me, too."  
  
Raphael raised an eye ridge. "What, making me surrender or you giving in?"  
  
"Yeah. Both."  
  
Considering that for a moment, Raphael stared at the ceiling and watched the shadows of tree branches sway on the ceiling. Only a handful of dry leaves remained, and those fluttered off as the wind touched them.  
  
"This isn't gonna stop being violent for us, is it?"  
  
Leonardo shook his head slightly, then looked at him. "Is that bad?"  
  
Raphael half-shrugged. "Long as we never kill each other."  
  
The dry response made Leonardo laugh. Becoming lovers hadn't changed them at all, then.


	13. Chapter 13

In the rain, despite himself, Raphael drove "like an old man...or like Leo". Night driving during a thunderstorm meant low visibility, slick roads, and dumb humans that might crash into them, and they couldn't exactly stand around waiting to file a police report.   
  
Even without the rain, driving through New York was always a risky proposition. The van's windows were tinted illegally dark, but a stray light from a street lamp or a store front could give everyone on the street a glimpse inside. Rough weather just made it worse. A flash of lightning could prove treacherous.   
  
At a red light, he glanced at Leonardo. Faint briuses lined his brother's throat and shoulders. He knew there were other marks at his wrists and elbows, his knees. His gear concealed most of that, with a hint of mottled blues and purples showing around the edges. Raphael smiled. His brother would be harder pressed to hide the bruises along his thighs.  
  
He wasn't worried. They fought so often that no one would be surprised. Leonardo had left his own marks, after all, and perhaps the bigger issue would be that they hadn't worked each other over worse.   
  
A little self-conscious, Raphael reached up to his shoulder, running his fingers over the raised scars. He hoped no one noticed them or realize what they spelled, but big brother had damn neat handwriting, even when he was carving into people. Raphael sighed and rested his hand on the wheel, waiting for the light.  
  
"Don't worry about it," Leonardo murmured, shifting in his seat without opening his eyes. "It's not obvious unless you're looking for it."  
  
"Thought you were asleep," Raphael said.  
  
"Thought you could drive," Leonardo retorted.  
  
"Better than you," Raphael said. "'Least I don't fall asleep behind the wheel."  
  
"S'cause you hit every pothole and curb on the way."  
  
Raphael smiled and didn't reply.  
  
They drove up to the warehouse where Donatello kept his larger projects, and after remotely raising the door, Raphael carefully backed in, avoiding the pair of motorcycles on one side and the mess of bolts, shelving and tools on the other. Leonardo looked over his shoulder out the window, watching them roll in, and once they stopped, he climbed out and made sure the door was locked securely again.  
  
"Think they're still awake?" Raphael asked softly.  
  
Leonardo nodded once. "We've been gone a month. Of course they are. If only to make sure we didn't kill each other."  
  
Raphael unlocked the rear door, which led to the staircase that slowly wound down to the main corridor that would take them home. The path back was a labyrinth, but it was necessary to make sure no one ever stumbled on their home.   
  
In the dark tunnels underground, their footsteps didn't echo. Their training was too ingrained for such a slip up, even without thinking about it, but Raphael glanced at his brother and saw that he was as tense as he was.   
  
"Geez," Raphael breathed. "Feels like we're walking into combat."  
  
Leonardo didn't argue. "I guess...you know, we should talk about--you know, what we're gonna do."  
  
Despite that they were about to walk into the lair under the scrutiny of three highly skilled ninjas who knew their every move and would instantly know that something was different, Raphael grinned.

"I was waiting for you to say something like that. I gotta admit, I'm impressed you held back this long. I thought for sure you'd break halfway on the trip."  
  
"I was asleep," Leonardo grumbled. "Anyway...how do we handle this?"  
  
"We ain't telling 'em nothing."  
  
"I know that," Leonardo said. "I mean...you know? I don't expect us to hold back until we're at the farm alone again. But we can't..."  
  
Raphael's grin faded but didn't disappear. Trust Leonardo to talk in euphemisms. Probably a bad habit he picked up from reading all that Japanese literature haiku crap.  
  
"We can keep it on the downlow," Raphael said, then huffed when Leonardo looked at him in disbelief. "I mean it. Hell, they're used to us sparring late into the night. We shared your futon a ton of times and we weren't doing nothing but sleeping."  
  
Leonardo didn't look convinced. Raphael leaned close and put his finger on his brother's forehead.   
  
"You ain't got a sign on your face that says 'bro'lester'," Raphael said. "They won't tell just by looking at us."  
  
"They will," Leonardo insisted. "They're not blind. Don looks up from his tools sometimes and even Mikey stops playing video games now and then. They'll see we're acting out of character and--"  
  
"Hey," Raphael said sternly. "That's bullshit. We've just, I dunno, added one more piece to who we are."  
  
"I don't want to get caught," Leonardo said.  
  
"Neither do I," Raphael said. "It won't be hard to keep it quiet, okay? It's not like we're gonna stop arguing or fighting."  
  
"True," Leonardo admitted, but with a sigh so sad that it made Raphael chuckle.  
  
"It's just arguing," Raphael said. "You know I always got your back."  
  
Leonardo smiled at that.  
  
When they reached the lair, they crept in as quietly as they could, not sure if anyone really would be awake. The light from the tv's told them someone had to be, even though the screens were mute. Leonardo locked the door as Raphael went in, already shedding his mask and gear.   
  
"You're back!"  
  
Even the yell wasn't enough warning to save him from being hugged at high velocity by a flying Michelangelo. Raphael stumbled and fell backwards, landing on his shell as Michelangelo sat on top of him.  
  
"Finally!" Michelangelo laughed. "Man, you guys were gone for ages! Don's been holed up in his lab forever and Splinter made me practice every day and--yes, I won't be the only one doing chores!"  
  
"Good to see ya, too," Raphael groaned. "Now get offa me, lardbucket!"  
  
"Awww, I missed you too!" Michelangelo said, hugging him again.  
  
Leonardo smiled and walked by, ignoring Raphael's pleas to push their little brother off, heading into the kitchen to make tea. The routine of putting the kettle on to boil and taking out the loose tea leaves brought him home and centered him again.  
  
"Welcome back," Donatello said from the doorway.  
  
Leonardo nodded without looking, grabbing a second cup. "Thanks. You guys manage okay?"  
  
"I managed to put out the fires in the oven, the playstation and behind the tvs," Donatello said, nodding when Leonardo gestured to the sugar. "Don't let Mikey con you into cleaning my lab. That's his punishment from me."  
  
Leonardo smiled. "You trust him with your stuff?"  
  
"He wouldn't dare drop anything," Donatello said. "I'm holding the playstation hostage."  
  
"Aw man," Leonardo sighed. There went an hour or two of Hyper Zombie Revolution to ease some of his tension. "But are you okay?"  
  
"Some sleep deprivation, nothing unusual," Donatello said. "You're the one with a lot bruises."  
  
Leonardo heard the unspoken question. As he poured out the tea, he shook his head once.  
  
"It's not what you think," he said. "We fought a couple times, that's it."  
  
"Uh-huh." Donatello took a sip, glancing out the door. "If you say so. Just remember I'm here if you need to talk, okay."  
  
"I know," Leonardo said after a pause. "I might take you up on that later."  
  
Don put his hand on his brother's shoulder. "Don't worry about it. Just...for the future, be careful how much rope you give Raph. I wouldn't be surprised if he found a way to hang both of you with it."  
  
Leonardo watched him walk out, his stomach twisting into knots. The bruises. He read the bruising. Don knows, he thought. Of course he knows. He's a genius.   
  
But what if he was just being paranoid, and Donatello didn't actually know? Leonardo sighed and went out, sitting in one of the overstuffed chairs, and watched Raphael wrestling with Michelangelo. He was too tired to go back to sleep, and he was too sore to want to move. At least the hot tea felt good inside, settling his whole body.  
  
"Okay, runt," Raphael said, shoving Michelangelo backward. "I gotta shower before I get to bed."  
  
"Spoilsport," Michelangelo said, performing a backflip and coming up on his feet. "Okay, but I'm waking you up extra early!"  
  
"You do and I'll throw you out," Raphael promised as he headed to the bathroom. "Spent a long night driving. I'm sleeping in tomorrow."  
  
"Suuuure you are," Michelangelo said, stretching his own tired muscles as he watched Raphael disappear. With a yawn, he turned and set his sights on his older brother.  
  
"Try anything and you'll be doing my chores for a week," Leonardo warned him.  
  
"Peace, peace," Michelangelo said, coming over and sitting down on the chair's arm. "I've learned never to attack someone holding hot tea."  
  
"Tempting," Leonardo admitted, letting Michelangelo lean on him. "But I wouldn't."  
  
"Of course you wouldn't!" Michelangelo smiled. "You wouldn't hurt someone this cute."  
  
Jostling his brother for room on the chair, Leonardo set the cup on the table in front of him and pushed sideways hard. Michelangelo landed on the floor, then came back up on his knees and rested his head on the armchair, looking up at Leonardo with an angelic smile.  
  
"Besides, Michelangelo whispered. "You're the one in hot water."  
  
Leonardo gave him a look. "What?"  
  
Deliberately, Michelangelo looked from him to Raphael's bedroom and back again. And then he winked.  
  
The bottom dropped out of Leonardo's heart. The threat of Donatello knowing was nothing against Michelangelo's certainty.  
  
"You said you two were gonna make with talking and acting civilized, but instead..." Michelangelo nodded at his bruises. "You were fighting the whole time, weren't you? Splinter's gonna be pissed."  
  
Not knowing what to think, Leonardo grabbed the tea and took another drink, scalding his throat but ignoring it.  
  
"How much you wanna bet Splinter gives you all my extra chores on top of what you always get for fighting?" Michelangelo grinned.   
  
Leonardo took a breath. No. Mikey didn't know. Mikey didn't know. Relax. Relax. Unless his little brother was being devious--no. Quit acting so paranoid, he told himself. Sure, be paranoid, just don't act like it.  
  
"What do you want to bet?" Leonardo asked.  
  
Michelangelo narrowed his eyes. "A week of putting away all the gear after practice."  
  
"Don't do it, Mikey," Raphael called, poking his head out from the bathroom door. "He's setting ya up."  
  
"Huh?" Michelangelo looked from Raphael to Leonardo, who had shot a glare at their sibling. "You didn't fight?"  
  
"Sure we fought," Raphael said with a half smile. "In the barn. And then we meditated. Watched tv. Saw some fireflies. Spent some time in the woods."  
  
"No way," Michelangelo laughed. "He got you to go on a nature walk?"  
  
"And I got him drunk," Raphael with a growing smirk, daring Leonardo to contradict him.  
  
"Raph..." Leonardo said in a low voice.  
  
"Hey, you're the one trying to pile up more work on my best buddy there," Raphael said, and he shook the towel at him in warning. "Pick on someone your own size."  
  
"Name the place and time," Leonardo said.  
  
"Later," Raphael said, closing the door. "Definitely later."   
  
His voice carried promise--a dangerous promise, flaunted right there in the open. Leonardo found his mind conjuring up memories and imagining new possibilities, and he had to force his mind back to the present. To his relief, his little brother was momentarily absorbed in his near miss of having to do almost all the work around the lair.  
  
"Not fighting," Michelangelo said, flopping back on the couch. "Geez. Who'da thunk?"  
  
Leonardo smiled and settled deeper into the comforter. After that sudden adrenalin spike, it would take him a little while longer to relax enough to sleep.  
  
"Almost got you," he said softly.  
  
"Yeah, yeah," Michelangelo said, waving him off. "Next time, I won't go so easy on ya."  
  
Leonardo laughed, earning him a dirty look from his little brother. He'd been talking to himself. With a small motion, he idly touched the deep bruises on his wrist.   
  
This altered relationship with his brother was insane. He was more nervous than during their first street fight, second guessing Raphael more than during their hottest fights, and jumpy around his own siblings. He guessed it would only be worse around Splinter and he would have to think up a plausible excuse for his nerves. And the sneaking behind the family's back, the double talk, arranging time alone with Raphael in a crowded home and then enduring being right next to him, skin to skin during practice, without risking so much as the slightest slip--  
  
As usual, Raphael kept causing one headache after another for him. A fine tightrope to walk, one that zigzagged and turned and had him absolutely twisting around trying to keep up.  
  
And if he ended up twisting himself in knots, that was fine. Raphael had a way of unraveling him again. Tomorrow...he smiled to consider it. Tomorrow maybe he could get Raphael to Central Park to watch the fireflies.


End file.
